Jay Mandel
Google
Magic Johnson Theater: Where Your Money Goes to Suffer
If you enjoy paying luxury prices for a subpar experience, then congratulations—you’ve found your happy place. For the rest of us who expect basic standards in a movie theater, buckle up, because this is going to be a ride.
Let’s start with the concession stand. I hope you didn’t come hungry because you’ll be standing in line for 45 minutes just to get your popcorn and Icee. The only saving grace? The popcorn was actually fresh, and the Icee was solid. But at these prices—$20 for the combo—you’d think they could at least move faster than a DMV on a Monday morning.
Once you finally escape the snack line and enter the theater, prepare to be underwhelmed. The lights were still on when the movie started, meaning I had to get up, track down an employee, and kindly remind them that movies are generally watched in the dark. Revolutionary concept, I know.
Then there’s the ambiance: popcorn everywhere (including the bathroom, because why not?), a distinct musty bathroom smell wafting through the air, and seating that looked like it had survived a small riot. The seats were torn up and barely reclined—so unless you enjoy sitting at an awkward 90-degree angle for two hours, prepare for some discomfort.
To top it all off, there was a crying baby in the theater. Because, sure, let’s bring infants to a movie where people paid $20 per ticket to enjoy the sound of the actual film.
Look, I’m not expecting a five-star experience, but when I’m dropping $40+ just to exist in this place, I expect at least the bare minimum in upkeep and service. Instead, I got a rundown theater that feels like it gave up on itself a long time ago.