Bradley Jorgensen
Google
I recently had the pleasure — or perhaps the endurance challenge — of ordering a $36 rump steak at the Canteen Kitchen and Bar Coolum Beach. I say “steak,” but what I was actually served was a culinary test of jaw strength, somewhere between beef and Michelin-grade tire rubber. They kindly gave me a steak knife, but honestly, a chainsaw would’ve been more appropriate — preferably one with a full tank and a spare chain.
The first bite took approximately three minutes of chewing, during which time I reflected on my life choices, my dental insurance coverage, and whether I should have just ordered soup. By bite two, my jaw had clocked enough reps to qualify me for a professional chewing competition. By bite three, I considered calling in a blacksmith to forge a sharper knife.
Flavor-wise, the steak was… present. The seasoning seemed to have taken a vow of silence, and the meat itself had the rich, complex taste of “chewed leather wallet.” For $36, I expected at least a whisper of tenderness, but alas, tenderness had clearly left the building sometime in 1998.
On the bright side, it was filling — not because I ate much, but because each bite took so long to finish that I ran out of hunger before I ran out of steak. By the time I surrendered, I felt like I’d wrestled a water buffalo and lost.
Overall, if you’re looking for a meal and a full upper-body workout, this is your place. If you’re just looking for dinner… maybe try literally anywhere else.