John T.
Yelp
My body images issues have been cured!* After a spending an afternoon at the Chicago Sweatlodge, I felt young, fit and perfectly groomed. Actually, it was pretty freeing to just 'be.' To not have to worry about 6-pack abs, perfectly coifed everything and immaculate appearances was so nice. I totally get why this place exists. As funny as it is to say, it's a safe space for guys. Or, it was for me.
I hadn't spent much time in this part of the city, so I inched north on Cicero looking for the lodge. I was happy to discover they had their own lot. I parked, took a deep breath and walked in. The window attendant was polite, if not talkative. I paid my money. He gave me my towels, shoes and wrap. I did my homework. I was prepared -- sorta. I opened the door to the back area and... saw a cafe? Yep. They offer food and drink at the Lodge. This isn't just a place to sweat. It's a social hang out. Granted, most of the guys socializing were near nude but what's better than playing chess than being naked while playing chess?
The locker area was surprisingly nice. Wooden (like, nice... not rickety) lockers with shelving, leather over-sized chairs and abundant tvs tuned to basketball, football, soccer... and Mexican soap operas. It takes all kinds. I proceeded to drop trou and put on my wrap. I'd planned on wearing my swim trunks but as I was grunted to by the very large man in the corner, "No tuhrunks! Towel only!" Thing is, I didn't know how to wear the thing. It's a shear white wrap about the size of an oversized washcloth with a v split. I put it on like a pair of pants... and got some friendly advice from the guy at the locker next to mine: "Turn it to the side." Oh? Ohhh! Wow. I was sporting a serious wardrobe malfunction. I sort of thought that was the way I was supposed to wear it, what with so much stuff just floppin' in the breeze all around me.
Properly adorned, I split my time between the wet steam and the dry sauna. Good God almighty, Eastern (and Southern) Europeans (by the languages I overheard) are hearty people. Both rooms are hot. Like, the devil is about to get you, hot. I had to wear a towel around my shoulders because my nips were getting burned. TMI (this whole review is tmi) I know, but you have to understand how hot it was. Between rooms, most guys went all Blue Lagoon and jumped in the cold pool. I wasn't 'there' so I kept my wrap on, got some water and chilled out in the chairs. I saw more than one guy knocked out in the chairs. They're comfy. They also might have been knocked out because of all the booze. Not only are these guys impervious to heat, they can drink while dehydrated. Amazing physiology! I might have been the only person drinking water (although when I requested it in Russian, I got a big smile and two bottles; what? I can speak a little Russian. I'm a renaissance man). Anywhoo, the more I drank, sat, steamed, and saunaed, I felt my stress, literally, melt away. I felt relaxed, invigorated and peaceful. I was a little apprehensive about the near-nudity thing but, trust -- no one is paying attention to you. Everyone is there to do his thing and get a relax (or business) on. By the time I showered and changed back to my street clothes, I felt like a new man. This experience is going into my rotation.
$25 for as long as you want to stay. This includes locker, towel, wrap, and shoe fee. Food, drink and massage are extra.
*No, they haven't.