Chris D.
Yelp
The Orvieto Cathedral is a majestic structure marking the first significant location from Rome on our Globus tour. It was a proper climax after riding the fun-fun-fun-funicular up the ancient volcano Orvieto rests upon. The cathedral is effectively the sole reason for the visit--nothing else is recommended (sorry citizens of Orvieto). There's not enough time to do much else save grabbing food and doing a bit of shopping. Visitors are also suggested to avoid the numerous panhandlers begging for money. I would usually offer sympathy except the first one I found hobbling towards me on his ankles was one of the worst imitations of a handicap I've seen since Nicholas Cage in The Wicker Man. I knew someone with polio, and I've seen how sufferers with cerebral palsy walk, and you have neither, you charlatan.
This accusation was further sustained by a similar individual two blocks later with the exact same awkward gate. When I returned towards the Cathedral ten minutes later, that first faux-cripple had a cup half-full of euros. People. Are. Suckers. So those reading this can heed my warnings--clamp onto your wallets like a GI Joe with kung-fu grip and open it only when paying for food. It's an unfortunate blight plaguing the region, a fact no one apparently attempts to address, shame given the amazing beauty of the cathedral itself. The photos I took really don't give it justice. It reflects a style of construction unseen in most or Rome. Later spots in Florence would repeat this pattern, some identically. Within the duomo lies an enormous expanse of striped columns rising to an immense ceiling. I'd love to share this experience via images, but like so many churches in Italy, photography is prohibited. Why? Well, there was some nonsensical and unscientific excuse about flash photography damaging paint back in the Sistine Chapel. Here, they didn't even offer that, with only whispers of respect being insisted. But if you think it's a hard rule, just do a search on "Orvieto Cathedral Interior" and bask in the thousands of professional images already taken. Just like the rule that we had to cover our shoulders and knees. I'd like to point out the irony of us needing to be covered so we can enter a church known for its frescoes of naked people. I'm not kidding, there are paintings of naked people in there. There's even one of a demon biting the back of someone's head like grapefruit, shocking given the prudish nature of Catholicism and the censorship of the famous Roman and Greek forms "heroic nudity". Remember, this is Italy, where they love their churches but seldom attend.
Oh and the cathedral also houses an old cracker that reportedly once bled. No real mention if the priest had only cut himself and jumped to conclusions, but let's leave that one be. I'm sure that's still enough for Orvieto to mark a national day around it. In fact, this entire magnificent construction is owed to that event. Have to admire that level of fanaticism...well, actually, I can hotly criticize, but the past is the past and at least something beautiful remains as a side effect. Seriously, this thing cannot be properly described. You can zoom your camera to the limit and find details unseen by the naked eye. Given the brief visit, I can't really comment on the rest of Orvieto, except that the parts I saw were amazing. It's a real shame that our tour rationed so little time here. To stop the tour, ride the tram, take a bus, see the church, and only have enough time for lunch surely does a disservice to the rest of the town. If you are lucky enough to visit while not on a tour, I hope the rest was a good as the highlight.