Demian Audrey G.
Yelp
You ever experienced a business so bad it inspires you to raise your defunct Yelp account from its 5-year slumber? That's the El Cortez.
Let's walk you through this... experience. The person at the front desk was polite enough but forgot to give us our promised vouchers until we specifically reminded them it was in the booking email. The casino was vintage and campy, which I fully expected.
The room itself was designed in a kitschy, cute sort of aesthetic, with an extra perk: the overwhelming scent of stale cigarette smoke, a bonus in a non-smoking room. The floor had not been vacuumed before our arrival, which was obvious because of the scattered crumbs and dirt visible on the black carpet. The lighting is incredibly dim, which might be romantic in a cleaner, well-maintained room, but here it was just sad. The windows also contributed nothing to the lighting or view with the frosted stick-on filters. I was excited to put my sodas in a cold fridge only to find out the mini-fridge temp was set to "soft spring breeze" and not... y'know. Cold.
The loveseat was the most pathetic creature I've ever seen. Grungy, deflated, and about as defeated as I was upon entering this room. The bed was all right and surprisingly clean in spite of the rest of the landfill around it, though I suspect it was a Full XL rather than the advertised Queen. There are no outlets by the bed for charging and the bedside lights can only be turned on or off at the switch beside the door, which is a full L-shape room away. That's fine, because when I was searching for an outlet to charge my phone, I found what looked like dripping old bloodstains on the nightstand. Awesome!
The aircon was barely functional and sounded like the Balrog rising to meet Gandalf for a battle. Seriously, I got the worst sleep of my life here because the thing was rattling on and off so loudly, if it ever came on at all.
The bathroom was all right, with a spacious shower stall. There were two sinks available, which would be excellent if both of them actually drained. When I sighed and turned to the toilet, I found cigarette ashes floating on the water in the bowl. All right. Whatever, those can be flushed. Let's close the door--oh, wait! The door doesn't close. L-O-friggin-L. This place is so shoddy it's almost hilarious.
Unfortunately, I was exhausted from a long drive, so I decided to grimace and bear it for a night. But hey, there's a restaurant downstairs, Siegel's 1941, that's open until 3 am. It wasn't, in fact, open at 11 pm when I wandered tiredly down to the main building across the street. But that's for another review!
There are some pros to this place. It's cheap on weeknights (though you absolutely get what you pay for, clearly), relatively quiet since it's across the street, the bedding was clean, and for as dirty as our room was, I didn't see a single bug. The keycard bracelets made the cabana suites building feel fairly secure in a slightly sketchy area. The lobby of the cabana building is bright and comfortable from what I saw.
Unfortunately, when we called down to the front desk to request help, items, etc., no one ever came. My partner and I ended up leaving a day early, only for the front desk guy to be a complete d-bag. We told him about our complaints and why we were leaving early, and he didn't offer any apology or even sympathy. He just said "you could've called." Like we didn't, multiple times. Garbage service, garbage people, garbage place.
If you're looking for a Flashy Vegas Experience, go to the Strip or even a mfing Holiday Inn. If you're looking for a Trashy Vegas Experience, the El Cortez is for you.