Mike Houlihan
Google
Poke Paradise or Poke Predicament?
Let me take you on a journey through the treacherous waters of my recent poke adventure. After bravely navigating a menu so busy it could qualify for its own traffic control system, I finally managed to order two poke bowls at $20 each. Or so I thought...
The friendly cashier, bless her heart, was apparently operating with an alternative set of facts. When I specifically asked about Maui onions (you know, those sweet, mild onions that are a staple in authentic poke), she confidently assured me they were included. Spoiler alert: they weren't. Instead, I discovered regular red onions lurking in my bowl - a classic bait and switch that would make even the sneakiest fish proud!
But wait, there's more! Hidden away like buried treasure (or perhaps evidence) was a sandwich whiteboard tucked down and to the right of the entrance. This mysterious board spun a tale worthy of Hemingway about some fishing shortage, justifying an additional $3 "market adjustment" per bowl. None of the several menus at the counter mentioned this surcharge. I guess transparency isn't on their menu!
The poke itself raised more red flags than a maritime warning system. The fish was suspiciously diced into perfect little cubes about half the industry standard size - a technique often used to mask poor quality fish. Instead of the deep maroon color of premium poke, this fish was notably lighter in color, suggesting a cheaper cut. It was like they were trying to pull a fast one on my taste buds!
For comparison, Kōloa Fish Market offers bowls with twice the amount of poke for just $18, complete with toppings that don't require taking out a second mortgage to add to your bowl.
In conclusion, between the misleading information, hidden surcharges, and questionable fish quality, I cannot recommend this establishment. My wallet and palate both left feeling like they'd been caught in a net of disappointment.
Two stars - one for the friendly cashier who, despite being misinformed, didn't actually throw a fish at me, and one for the fact that I didn't find any actual fishing hooks in my food. Small victories, folks!