Matt P.
Yelp
Where do I begin? My girlfriend and I were so excited for a romantic getaway at Hard Rock Cancun, especially after shelling out for the "Paradise Pass" -- which in hindsight, feels more like a cover charge to a bad buffet in limbo.
Let's start with the booking process: I originally tried to go to Puerto Vallarta. "No availability," they said. Tried Riviera Maya. "Also no availability." Finally had to settle for Cancun. Should've taken that as a red flag, but alas, love makes you hopeful.
May 1st: We arrive and head to Frida's for dinner. What did we get? Cold chicken. Not "chilled chicken salad"--like, literal entrée chicken served cold. I've had better meals from a gas station microwave. That night's entertainment? The African Show. Imagine a community theater production that was rushed through tech rehearsal and set to generic drums. That was the highlight.
May 2nd: My girlfriend's birthday! We were looking forward to dinner at Toro. Wait time? Two hours. Okay, fine, we're on vacation--let's be patient. But we were starving, so we pivoted to Ciao. Still over an hour wait. Finally get in, order apps, take one bite... and just leave. We didn't even fake a bathroom exit--we just stood up and left in shame and hunger.
May 3rd: A ray of light! We booked the Cenote tour, and it was actually fantastic. Beautiful nature, fresh air, no broken systems, no cold food--just pure enjoyment. Turns out, leaving the hotel was the best part of staying at the Hard Rock. That should probably tell you something.
May 4th: Spa day, right? We used the in-room app to book a couples massage using our $950 resort credit. Got the confirmation email--great! Went to relax at the beach, came back, and... surprise! The spa calls us and says it's only booked for one person, and there's no availability left for two. The manager, Laura, explains the app "doesn't allow you to add a second guest." Excuse me? You have a "couples massage" option... that only books for one person?? What kind of couples therapy is this?
Oh--and we couldn't even use the resort credit anywhere else because everything was booked. The $950 might as well have been printed Monopoly money.
Just when we thought things couldn't get worse, we tried Toro again. Got there at 6:30 PM. Another two-hour wait, which we anticipated. But the buzzer system was down, so they basically told us, "Come back at 8:30 and maybe we'll have a table, if you manifest it hard enough."
We got back to our room that night to find the toilet broken. So we capped off our luxury vacation by calling maintenance because the plumbing gave up on us too.
Look, I've stayed at budget motels with more consistency and less drama. This was supposed to be a romantic, relaxing getaway. Instead, we got cold food, long lines, bad shows, tech glitches, unusable credits, and a broken toilet. The only thing that worked reliably was our room key--and even that felt like a gamble.
To their credit, the staff offered us a 25-minute couples massage (after the spa debacle) and a room upgrade on a future stay. Thanks, but no thanks. You don't get a redo on a ruined vacation.
Final verdict: Save yourself the heartbreak. Hard Rock Cancun? More like Hard Pass.