Jessica H.
Yelp
Hepburn Bathhouse is definitely a waste of money. For one thing, your purchase only gets you two hours in the spas. This isn't obvious anywhere on their website. We assumed it would be like the Peninsula Hot Springs down in Mornington where you book in with your arrival time, and are then welcome to stay as long as you like (two hours, five hours, whatever) until they close. Here, you are limited to two hours, no matter when you arrive.
For a weekend bathing session, the price starts at $44. This gets you access to "The Bathhouse," which consists of two mineral pools, both of which are very noisy, small, and crowded. One is lukewarm and the other is hotter, but neither are HOT hot. If you go mid-week, the price is cheaper at $34. But it's still not very good value for money when you consider that you can only stay for two hours and only visit two mediocre, crowded pools.
If you want something a little more satisfying, and you have money to burn, you can book in for The Bathhouse + The Sanctuary ($94 weekend, $74 mid-week, again for only two hours), which gives you access to a separate area with better, less-crowded pools -- but these still did not wow us by any means. The Sanctuary experience includes a pool with ill-fitting "relaxation couches," a salt water pool, two steam rooms (one a Turkish hamam), and an outdoor deck with lounge chairs, a very hot pool, and a cold plunge pool.
As for the pool with the so-called "relaxation couches," well, it's not that relaxing. You lay back in these uncomfortable metal chair thingies and powerful jets pound you with water from all sides. If you're too short, like me, the jets go straight up the wrong part of your body, if you catch my meaning. Felt more like a medical procedure than a relaxing experience, ha! Also, the fabric that's supposed to hold back your head and neck actually fell OFF my metal chair thingie and I had to stick my hand down among the jets and dig around in the dark water to try and find it. Not awesome.
The Sanctuary also includes a salt water pool and "monsoon showers" in a dark room with aging Brutalist architecture -- not very relaxing at all, and it didn't even seem all that salty -- better to just take a dip in the bay for free if you're looking for saltwater!
The outdoor deck with the hot pool and cold plunge pool was Hepburn Bathhouse's only saving grace. The deck is made of dark wood and has a pleasant, onsen-like ambience. There's a tiny hot pool that overlooks a peaceful scene with a tiny burbling creek and gum trees, and it's hot enough that you FINALLY feel like you're in a mineral hot spring. I spent most of my allotted two hours in this pool, alternating with the cold plunge right next to it.
Hepburn Bathhouse certainly tries to give you the "luxe" experience, with your own bathrobes, slippers, lockers, and plenty of free water and apples. But it just falls short. The service was especially bad: the lady at reception was very strange and airy-fairy, and the guys downstairs who give you your towels and robes are very brusque and act like they couldn't care less.
Bottom line: this place is NOT worth the money if you can only stay two hours. Hepburn Bathhouse either needs to lower their prices, OR they need to let you stay as long as you like. Otherwise, this place is highway robbery. Much better to spend the $40 and head down to Mornington Peninsula, where you get to experience 20 different pools and stay as long as you like. As it is now, I wouldn't recommend you waste your money here.