Tatiana Sheridan
Google
If you’re looking for a five-star experience… keep looking.
Let’s start with the “parking.” Forget about a covered garage, valet, or anything remotely resembling security. At Bevanda, you park your car right next to the Adriatic Sea and pray Poseidon doesn’t decide to test your insurance coverage overnight. Nothing says luxury like wondering if you’ll need scuba gear just to reach your car.
Our “luxury” room? Well, the toilet paper holder was broken (maybe their definition of rustic chic?) and the minibar light was possessed—blinking all night like a nightclub in Ibiza. We had to tape paper over it just to sleep. Five stars indeed.
Now, about that breakfast. Imagine a 5-star buffet with million different options… and then erase that image completely. No buffet here, just an a la carte menu with eight “options”: four types of eggs, three smoothies, some chopped fruit, and French toast. Add coffee and two mini croissants (yes, two)—because who needs more when you’re paying hundreds a night, right? To make it even better, the quality declined every day. By day four, it felt like the kitchen was trying to see just how bad eggs can get before guests riot.
Amenities? Oh, you mean the single private beach they proudly advertise. Except it was closed for half our stay.. so two days—apparently someone needed to measure it. On the two days it was “open,” the grand offering was a lonely kayak we had to drag into the water ourselves, then drag back out. We even asked one of the staff for help, and he did so grudgingly, cussing under his breath like we’d asked him to move a yacht. And getting into the water? You either leap in like a contestant on Survivor or attempt a death-defying descent down wobbly metal stairs. Luxury, indeed.
When we asked about leaving early since they literally removed the only amenity (and the weather was stormy anyway), we were told: sure, you can leave, but you’ll still be paying for all four nights. Their “solution”? A free one-night voucher—valid until December. Because obviously, everyone has unlimited vacation time to come back in winter and sit around at a 5-star “beach hotel” with no pool, no spa, no gym, and nothing to do once summer is over.
In short: broken room fixtures, rude staff, mediocre food, no amenities, and a parking situation that doubles as an anxiety exercise. Bevanda may have five stars, but I’d give it one—solely because zero isn’t an option.
Will I ever return? Absolutely not. Unless, of course, I develop a strange craving to waste money while being treated like an inconvenience.
Five stars? More like five jokes.