Anna S.
Yelp
After scads of research, my husband booked us for 5 nights at the Derby Alma based on its four star rating and great TripAdvisor reviews. Maybe we just hit the place on a seriously off week, but our experience was less "luxury boutique" and more "ghetto dollar store."
On the plus side, our room had a nice big tub with excellent water pressure: perfect for long, relaxing soaks after wandering around Paris in the cold all day. We also had a view of the Eiffel Tower, IF we stood in one spot and kind of crunched our butts against the desk and craned our necks (one at a time, of course: this wasn't one of those fancy two-person views). Unfortunately that's where my praise ends.
Our room was TINY: there literally wasn't enough room between the bed and the wall for my husband and I to pass each other, and we are not huge. There was a luggage rack, but no place to put it. As a New Yorker I understand real estate premiums, small-space living, and all that jazz, but this was ridiculous. When I pay four-star prices I expect a room slightly larger than the interior of a Saab.
We could have forgiven the tiny room, but when we came home from dinner on our first night the entire floor reeked of cigarette smoke. I called the front desk and asked if they'd put us on a smoking floor, and was told that the hotel was non-smoking.
ME: Well, someone is definitely smoking. Can you please find out who it is and ask them to stop?
DESK: No, we can't go knocking on doors.
ME: ?! But there are only six rooms on this floor.
DESK: Do you know which room it's coming from?
ME: No. It smells like someone is sitting next to me on the bed, smoking a cigarette.
DESK: We can only do something if you know who is smoking.
So our first night in Paris felt kind of like we were bunking down in the OTB. Romantic!
Very fresh, very rank cigarette smoke continued to pervade our slumber throughout our stay, aggravating my asthma and giving both of us head colds. We complained several times, and asked if they could move us to a different room (since the smoker obviously wasn't leaving anytime soon), but they told us the hotel was full and sent someone up to spray stuff in our room and around the hall.
By the end of our stay, we were pretty convinced the smoker was hotel staff. (My husband even thought he heard someone say it was the maid.) But it also could have been the night desk guy, because...
You know what's fun? Coming back to your hotel after drinks with friends, only to find it locked with the lobby dark and no way to get in! This happened to us three times. The first was around one a.m., and it took a solid ten minutes of ringing the bell and peering in windows for someone to come let us in. The third time was even worse: it was 11 on a Saturday night, the lobby lights were still on, but the door was locked and there was nobody at the desk. While we were ringing the bell, a tour bus stopped and deposited about ten more guests, and we all stood there feeling like jerks until someone finally came and let us in after about seven minutes...or, y'know, just about the amount of time it takes to smoke a cigarette.
Coincidentally (OR WAS IT?), the hall was rank with fresh smoke when we returned to our room.
For a luxury-rated, luxury-priced hotel, you'd think they could either install a key-card reader outside the hotel, or have someone actually available to let guests in 24 hours a day. Just sayin'.
Other "fun" stuff:
- Our room was wildly drafty, with a thermostat that seemed to take our temperature-setting as a suggestion rather than a command.
- The "fancy" sink splashed water splashed all over the bathroom.
- Ditto with the shower. It was half-covered by a half-door, so if you happened to angle the shower-head the wrong way, water went everywhere.
- The hairdryer was one of those appalling wall-mounted monstrosities that looks like Darth Vader and emits the world's saddest gasps of lukewarm air. I have long hair. It took so long to dry, I just gave up and stopped washing it.
- There was no conditioner. Again, not something I'd expect from the local Motel 6, but at a four-star hotel? Dude, c'mon.
- The teakettle leaked.
- The internet went down while we were there. It took them two days to fix it. Staff seemed about as concerned about this as they were about someone smoking in their non-smoking hotel.
- The location, right near the Eiffel Tower, is okay....until you want to get a meal that isn't insanely overpriced. Then you're SOL.
Our stay in Paris was delightful in spite of our terrible experience with Le Derby Alma, but that hotel sure didn't do us any favors, and staff was barely apologetic. We'll definitely return to Paris. This particular hotel? Not so much.