Michael M.
Yelp
******SIX STAR REVIEW******
So everyone who gave this place less than three stars either stayed in some parallel dimension or is an insufferable queen who secretly hates themselves (and probably their mommy, too).
This place was absolutely perfect from booking my room (the handsome Gordon assisting me here) to recommending the best florist (See my review for Gilda's and thanks Norman!) to - well everything. Even checkout. Seriously!
I'm posting pictures because truly no description can fully justify how awesome this place is. Frankly, if you were only staying a few days you could never leave this property and still have an incredible time.
Let me see if I remember all the free stuff you get. Free wifi, free water bottles for free distilled water, free gym facilities, free coffee, free sarongs, free booze each day from 5:30-7:30, free cable, free adult movies, free toiletries, and if you stay four nights you get three free. I'm heading back in October for my bday! (yay!)
My room was spectacular, a full one bed room apartment with large flat panel TV, super soft and comfy bed (seriously, the best I've slept in anywhere but my own), and parking for my rental scooters right outside the door. Literally! See my pics! The room was also well soundproofed, cleaned by the staff to perfection every day (they even folded up the blanket I took to the sofa for afternoon naps and left it there so i didn't have to keep retrieving it! Thank you! (Oh, and they will coordinate your scooter rental if you wish, do it, these guys will get you the best price!)
The food. I ate at least one meal a day here. The food was as good as any other place I had eaten at while in Key West including the recommended fu-fu places. Now I agree this is not 5 star Ritz Carlton cuisine, but everything I ate was damn tasty, and worth the price I paid for it. From the kettle chips to the filet Mignon.
As far as Mary who was complaining about older men, if that's a problem, go to summer camp. Trust me - no one is staring at your 86 pound flaunt of manorexia. For those of us who are realists, yes, there is an interesting cross section of men from twenties to (during my stay) eighties. The eighty year old was more fun, had a better time, and told me some tales that I hope to be able to tell myself some day ;)
The staff was incredibly warm and accommodating. the aforementioned Gordon and Norman were our cruise directors through the time we were here, and the bartenders were always smiling, available, and no order was a problem (and trust me - after a few hours of drinking, we were making some funky drinks up!) Thanks Billie, Frank, Ralph, Kaleb, and all the other guys who made the stay awesome.
As far as 'seediness' yes, there was nudity. Yes, they have adult movie channels, and yes, there is a video room. I didn't go to the video room because, frankly, I found all the entertainment I needed on the main floors, but those that I chatted with who did visit it remarked it was clean and fun. Nough said.
On on odd note there are no hairdryers in the rooms. Sporting a recent buzz cut (and subsequent sunburned pate) I hadn't noticed by my partner did. We realized that any real hair queen probably brings her own anyway as anything less than 12000 watts simply won't do ;)
Do I have any concerns on staying again? I regret I could not personally shake the owner's hand for putting together such an incredible product, team of men working for him, and overall experience. I would stay for a month if I could.
In short, if you are looking to go spend a little time in paradise, stay here. It may cost a little more than the Holiday Inn, but can you truly put a price on perfection?