Jenn L.
Google
I’m not the type of person to complain about a hotel.
I had high expectations because my friends liked this place when they stayed last year, and because the website is cool.
But it was a disaster. A comedy of errors. An EXPENSIVE one. I’ll never stay here again and will advise anyone I know to stay away. BE WARNED: DO NOT STAY HERE.
Good: Breakfast, although not as nice as our previous 2-star hotel and really hard to flag someone down to get a coffee. Nice staff, although they seemed depressed. The other “good thing” is that when everything else turned out so horribly at this hotel we laughed a lot at the comedy of errors. It is an absurdly bad hotel. It WOULD be good if this hotel would offer us our money back for our stay because we found it to be inconvenient, unpleasant, unhygienic, and a terrible, terrible value for the money that we paid.
Bad:
1) A confused receptionist who tried to sign us up for a €64-per-person trip to Sintra which actually turned out to be almost €300 (thank goodness we cancelled on time).
2) No cleaning service; we came home to full trash, unmade bed, no toilet paper or clean towels, and dirty dishes in our room. Note: we did NOT leave the do-not-disturb sign up.
3) The jacuzzi and “heated pool” are both quite cold, and most of the jets in the jacuzzi are broken. The water smelled terrible. There is a film of filthy froth on the jacuzzi water surface. We only stayed in for a few minutes because of the broken jets, the cold dirty water, and our desire to get back to a clean warm shower in our room – – alas!! Please, read on to the next point to see how poorly that worked out.
4) The shower in the room has terrible water pressure and does not get very hot when turned to full temp; the lateral spigot does not work; the drain cap was detached; and the conditioner bottle did not pump. The lack of water pressure makes it really hard to get soap off your body and hair.
5) The “luxury toiletries” are thin and sticky, of poor quality; my husband describes the shampoo as “dish soap.“ I would love to describe the conditioner for you, but as I mentioned in the previous point, the bottle does not pump.
6) The lighting fixtures are unintuitive and marked with microscopic text so it is very easy to constantly turn ALL the lights off, including the bathroom lights, leaving your poor companion in a pitch-black, weak, cold shower while you desperately try to get some lights back on.
7) The room’s toilet is in a claustrophobia-inducing, loudly-echoing booth with no fan; do not stay with a companion unless you are really comfortable with each other’s bodily processes.
8) We stayed in room 214 and there’s some kind of offputting food/liquid stain on the door of the hotel room; it could be coffee, it could be soup? Blood?! I guess the point is that the hotel is not very clean or hygienic.
9) The carpets in the hallway of the hotel are stained and filthy; it was the first thing I noticed when the elevator arrived at our floor and it really surprised me. Little did I know that it was a foreboding omen of the absurdly bad hotel experience that unfolded over the following days. Lux Lisboa Park Hotel is certainly not luxurious. It is a hotel, but it should lose some stars and lower its prices drastically.
In closing, I would like to say that it probably sounds like I had a lot of fun writing this review and taking the piss at this hotel. But I’m actually really sad about the way this stay turned out. This place was outside our budget but we splurged because we thought it would be awesome and memorable to stay in a fancy and relaxing place for two nights on our vacation. But instead, it was a huge disappointment. The flippant tone of this review is just me trying to make light of a big bummer.
