Bruce B.
Yelp
Those who feel they know me well are completely unaware that I have long been a secret practitioner of the dark side of Voodoo. Not even my best friends realize that I was ordained as a Voodoo priest many, many years ago right here in New Orleans. The fact is, voodoo has served me well, and honestly, can you tell me of a better way to eliminate an enemy with a guarantee of never being caught other than through the use of dark voodoo? To my knowledge, no one in recent years has been charged by the law in bewitching a foe using ritualistic powers leading to their sudden ill-fortune and demise. In this day and age, I feel voodoo is the best available method for dispatching my rivals all while doing so at a great distance, thus avoiding suspicion by the authorities.
When it comes to Marie Laveau herself, the best I can say is that the woman was an overrated amateur. Actually, I consider her to be a total hack who failed to tap into true black-magic voodoo, which is the extraordinarily more effective and powerful side of the practice. Nevertheless, her "House of Voodoo" here contains many of those difficult-to-obtain items I require whenever I find I must once again perform a grim hoodoo ritual in order to eviscerate a nemesis.
While it may appear by first sight to be nothing more than a shop catering to drunk tourists, the majority of the REAL magical powders and dark arts gris-gris are never kept out on display. For the stock that a Voodoo priest like myself comes in for, one must know what to ask for directly, whereupon you will be guided into a secret room located in the back of the house. Again, one must know exactly what evil mojo it is to ask for, and really, only people skilled in the art of dark voodoo know what they need. If you're vague about it, the surly zealots working here will deny the existence of the secret room altogether. Interested in reanimating the dead or causing your boss to spontaneously explode into a cloud of ash? Then you'll need access into Laveau's secret room.
But don't fret! For you novices, there's a cache of voodoo dolls for sale here in addition to an array of other silly (and useless) talismans. They will always have alligator/chicken teeth/feet, incense, crystals, occult books, skulls, candles, gemstones, and all sorts of other hokey shit on display for sale. They still provide tarot card and palm readings for all of you who believe in such nonsense.
So come on in to Marie Laveau's House of Voodoo and support this local abode of superstitions with your cash and credit cards! You'll be glad you did your part to keep this place in business. Trust me on that.