Matt C.
Yelp
First and last time eating here.
Went to go see a Guns and Roses cover band at the Broadway Theatre last Friday. Show was at 8, we arrived at Martinis a little bit before 6:30, thinking we could grab some drinks, and a quick bite before the show. Instead, we got meh food, overpriced for what it was, at a EMBARRASINGLY SLOW pace.
We decided to eat at Martinis because they are literally attached to the theatre, and we figured that we could get some drinks, maybe a flatbread or two, or at least something quick, and then stagger next door to watch the show. But, when we inquired about seating, the TWO hostesses told us that we HAVE to get their 4 course price fixed dinner option. Immediately, alarm bells went off, and I literally asked, "will there be enough time to eat and still catch the show?" They said yes. The lie detector test determined that that was a lie. The hostesses literally said that they do the mandatory dinner BECAUSE there is a show; they've got a captive audience, and they are sure as shit going to capitalize on it. (BTW, why do you need TWO hostesses? One of them should be running food, as you'll see why shortly.)
Anyway, not wanting to waste anymore precious time, and with the hostesses faulty promise that we would have plenty of time, we decided to go with it. (Also, the only seating available was either the bar or outside. Again, thinking it wasn't going to take THAT long, we opted for outside.
Our server swung by, (no introduction) and got our orders: two caesar salads, one arancini app, one crab dip app, one tacos meal, one butternut squash ravioli meal, one ice cream, one cream puff. Start the clock......
THIRTY. MINUTES. LATER. the SALADS still hadn't come out. It's a fixed menu, that they are forcing EVERYONE to order from! Why the hell wasn't this stuff FLYING out the door?! So, a little after 7:05, we ask where the absolute hell our SALADS are, and the server says she will go "steal some." (aka, she forgot.) So, the salads come out, and we ask the server to just bring everything all at once, as SOON as it's ready. We were reading the tea leaves, and knew this ordeal was not going to end well. She said, "I'll have the kitchen fire everything at once," which means that our orders weren't even PUT IN YET! Another 20 minutes later, and our apps actually make their way outside via a second server. We ask the second server to PLEASE bring everything all at once, so we could actually have a chance to taste it as we shoveled it down our throats, and she responded with the same "I'll have them fire it" line. (It's FREEZING at this point, btw. There are no heaters or anything for the outside patrons either.) For the apps, "underwhelmed" doesn't do it justice. The crab dip was sweet for some damn reason, and the stuffed arancini balls were cold in the middle. I guess they didn't make it through their entire microwave cycle. *eye roll*
So, 7:50ish, we FINALLY get our entrees, an hour and 20 minutes after ordering it, and now have to WOLF DOWN our food. The tacos were disturbingly sweet. (why is everything SWEET?!) I wasn't a big fan. Around the 7:55 mark, we are full on panicking, because there is still a dessert course to WAIT on, and we even contemplated just skipping it, despite having to pay for it. My wife went in to go to the bathroom, I stood up at our table; partly to convey a sense of urgency, partly to stave off the hypothermia that was building. About 8:00, a DIFFERENT server came out with the wrong desserts for us; two cream puffs, but we didn't care at this point, and just threw them in our mouths, while standing at our freezing cold outside table. I BEGGED for the check to come out, at which point our original server finally made an return appearance a few minutes later. Grand total of $130ish for meh food, in a freezing cold patio, delivered at a snails pace. We vowed right there to make that the last time we eat at Martini's. The drinks were fine, which is the only thing keeping them from a one star.
