Jonathan T.
Yelp
Marty's may have changed my life, and by that I mean their alcoholic concoctions have shortened my projected life span by, at least, two years.
And yes, it's true. This college dive bar institution is really open until 6AM since, because technically it's a "club." Pay a measly two-dollar membership fee at the door, and you're in. Oh, and you'll also receive a nifty, paper membership card that you can bury into the depths of your wallet. Things to know:
*****
I. LOCATION & PARKING
This "club" resides on a one-way, and there's absolutely plenty of free parking everywhere. No worries.
II. FOOD & DRINK
Sure, they have a late night grill that will satisfy anyone from hungry stoners to wasted sorority chicks to that gargantuan man who can put down, like, four quarter-pound burgers in one sitting. Want greasy, stomach-clinging eats? They have them.
And then the drinks... I had a Good People IPA, a shot of tequila, and then probably the worst/ best concoction to ever grace my lips: The Bushwacker. A new cherry got popped that night...
I hazily remember, this malty, chocolate milk-shake lookin' elixir which is, supposedly, the redneck version of a White Russian. And the last time I drank a White Russian was my sophomore year of college where I puked out of my bathroom window all night with about two hundred people in our 1200 square-foot apartment raging. (Like people sleeping in the bathroom raging.)
So I decided to have two of these bloody... things.
About the drink itself, it's Mai Tai like frosty, the liquor is maybe vodka based, and it will give you gut rot and chest hair at the same time. I swear by the end of the night I went temporarily cross-eyed, for a good minute or two.
It also gave me a post-prom like hangover, which felt like Ip-Man punched me fifty times to the cranium, or like someone ran over me with a John Deer tractor. I also sent a few texts to my friends that read "xjkjdklj;qpqhejruqjhla," and they might as well have been hieroglyphics. I also should be expecting a cleaning bill from my hotel.
III. SERVICE
No qualms here. They were very nice, especially to this out-of-towner, and they provided fantastic recommendations on where to go around town for brunch.
IV. AMBIENCE & DÉCOR
They have two main spaces: a small patio and very air-conditioned inside. A good number of small tables exist and a robust bar is at the back. Bumper pool, and other bar games exist. No corn hole, unfortunately.
V. PRICES
I'm not sure, but, like most places in Birmingham, it won't break the bank. But what do I know? I was in another stratosphere last night.
VI. OVERALL
The next time I get a physical, the doctor will look perplexed after listening to my lungs on my back with his stethoscope. But then he'll have an "a-ha" moment and say, "Oh, you sound like you just had two years of your life shaved off. Did you drink a Bushwacker in Birmingham?" And I'll reply, "Yes, I did, doctor. Yes. I. Did."
Love Marty's.