Erik L.
Yelp
Stumbling in the squawking, humid darkness you come across a clearing -- the pool of moonlight gives a herd of barking deer and bharals an eerie glow, just a meter or two away. You snap a quick picture and retreat, but the mother deer still eye you warily as they stand by their young.
The moment was so magical that you have to catch your breath, so you take the tram to the Zebra cafe and have a hot dog.
Then it's right back into the jungle, with proverbial machete in hand. But what's this? The only way forward is through a fruit bat tropical forest. You turn your collar up against your neck, even though these are fruit bats you can't shake the association with Dracula. You power walk as fast as possible with eyes on the ground, but a fruit bat flies right by to land on a mango. You could touch its cute furry back and wide wings, but don't. Because that's not cool. He only came by to eat his fruit, not deal with silly humans. But ah, he's so cute.
Now, the striped hyenas are something else entirely. They move swiftly and make eye contact, and maintain that eye contact awkwardly long. Suddenly the dark boulder INCHES to your right turns its head to you. This gargantuan hyena gives you a toothy grin. Tripping backwards over the foliage, you offer thanks to the invisible glass that the Singapore Zoo put up around these gorgeous beasts.
A flying squirrel nearly hits your head in the mangroves. Oh, no big deal or anything, just another part of the safari.
Turning a corner, the night is utterly silent, dark, and sweltering warm. If not for the smell, you would have walked right into an elephant's butt. Three gigantic elephants calmly shake the earth with each gentle step. You don't bother taking a picture, because nothing can replicate the awe of walking in on a family of elephants when they're going about their business.
But you do take a picture of the majestic tiger posing perfectly for you. You promptly think, "This shot will look great on Yelp. Finally I upload something other than food."
Too tired to walk, you board the guided tour tram and think to yourself, "Wow, where else in the world can I experience something like this?" The noxious tram fumes and the tour guide's horribly inaccurate scientific facts rip you from your reverie. Did she seriously say, "The Indian Wolves have very special stomachs so they can eat anything. They have acid in their stomachs." Ummmm, so do humans and cows and like every animal...but okay. The fumes continue to irritate your nose and the annoying other tourists are talking about their indigestion. You mentally deduct one star off your yelp review.
Yes, this safari was amazing and didn't cost thousands of dollars like a real one, but many things throughout the night will remind you of that fact. Honestly though, the hundreds and hundreds of animals you saw in 2 hours is probably more than you'd see on a real safari. You smile smugly that night in your lux pool-side hotel room back in downtown.
In the morning, the corners of that smile fall when you hear little kids screaming and laughing in the pool. You can't help but wish to have been woken by the snort of the red river hog you saw last night, or the clipping step of that Himalayan Tahr that almost spit on you.
