Nichole V.
Yelp
Come for the Beer, Leave for the Food (Seriously, Just Drink and Go)
My husband and I took a last-minute birthday trip to Sedona and decided to explore Tlaquepaque Village. It's beautiful, upscale, and full of charm, so I made the mistake of assuming the restaurants would match the aesthetics. Rookie move. Normally, I check Yelp before ordering, but this time I threw caution to the wind. Big. Mistake.
The experience started off fine--the host was polite, the atmosphere was a standard brewery fare with a bar, TVs, and booths, and our waitress was very friendly. My husband ordered a Pullman Porter, which was delicious--roasty, nutty, and coffee-like. I went with an ACE Guava Cider, which was crisp, refreshing, and exactly what I wanted. At this point, we were optimistic. That was cute.
Then, the food arrived. First up: their "Signature Sauce." Sounds fancy, right? Nope. It was watery ranch dusted with paprika and cinnamon. Yes, cinnamon. Ranch and cinnamon taste just as horrifying together as you'd imagine. After dipping our onion rings in it (our first red flag ), I promptly moved the sauce to the farthest possible corner of the table, where it could no longer offend me.
The onion rings themselves? Clearly frozen, dropped in the fryer, and served with no love. But that was nothing compared to my husband's burger, which was a previously frozen patty with no seasoning whatsoever--not a single grain of salt, a whisper of pepper, or a hint of garlic came near this sad, gray meat puck. His coleslaw? Bland, missing vinegar, and inexplicably full of raisins. Who is back there making these choices? Is everything decided by a scorned chef? Is this some kind of unhinged TikTok challenge?
I ordered the fish and chips, and while the fish itself was decent, the kitchen only managed to fry one side. The other side was soggy, greasy, and undercooked, like it just gave up halfway through. The fries? Dense, stale, and clearly pre-frozen. The coleslaw? Well, it was the same raisin-filled mess as before, so that remained untouched.
At this point, I tapped out. After one bite of coleslaw, one fry, and one piece of fish, I was done. And for someone who loves food, that's saying a lot. We didn't come here with high expectations--we just wanted simple, great-tasting pub food. Instead, we got a $80 disappointment with a side of regret.
The waitress seemed genuinely puzzled when I didn't want a to-go box, asking me twice if I was sure. And honestly, I felt bad--she didn't cook the food, and I wasn't about to unload my disappointment on her. I just gave her a polite smile and reassured her that I was absolutely certain. I wasn't looking for a refund or a pity discount--I'll simply never eat there again.
I have no idea how this place has decent reviews--maybe people just get too distracted by Sedona's beauty to notice what they're eating. If you find yourself in Tlaquepaque, do yourself a favor: grab a drink, admire the scenery, and then make dinner reservations somewhere else.