Fox E.
Yelp
Paleterias Tropicana by Wham!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYX0sjP6Za8
Let me take you to the place
Where latina with smiling face
Brushes shoulders with Hipsters
Where senoritas take your cash in hand
And welcome you to jugoland
It's from Mexico, not Panama
Paleterias Tropicana, drinks aren't free
Mangonadas, there's enough for everyone
All that's missing is the sea
But don't worry if you don't speak Spanish!
Kansas and Missouri meet
Then lick some Tropicana treats
Watch the smile break on your bae
White coconut, a strange blue juice
Cocktail time, your belly's huge
A whole month's calories!
Paleterias Tropicana, drinks aren't free
Fresh paletas, there's enough for everyone
All that's missing there is me
But don't worry, I'll meet you in the bano!
What to get: Guava Paleta
And: Berry Mixed Drink
What else: Everything is good
Including you?: No, I'm bad
Bad at what: Bad because I'm so good
That sounds like a cliche: Cliche, Cliche, Bish
I could not possibly have been any more impressed by this wonderful Mexican Paleteria. It's known as Tropicana, but way better than the orange juice, and even better than any Club Tropicana that Wham! ever saying about. Bam. Thank you, Senorita.
I had the berry mixed drink and it was spectacular. I have a feeling all of their drinks will be wonderful, or perhaps I just picked the standout right off the... ew Baseball metaphors.
I was in a very mood (very what? idk), and I could not have been any more impressed. It was absolutely delicious. Worth every penny.
But it wasn't even the best thing. The winner was the Guayaba Paleta! Now understand that I've had some really good paletas in my day - in Los Angeles, in Houston, in elsewhere. I ordered the Guava Paleta not expecting very much.
Guava doesn't translate very well sometimes (to desserts - in Spanish it's Guayaba lol - NOT Guanabana, that's different and imo gross). The reason it doesn't translate is because it has hard little stones in it, and it ends up just being sweet and not very Guavalike, Guavaish, Guavaesque, or Guavasical. Well - my mind was completely blown! This is probably the greatest Guava thing I've ever eaten in my life! And I order a lot of Guava sh** so that's quite a compliment!
Why is it so good? It has so many enormous generous delicious succulent ripe juicy chunks of guava in it. Most paleterias *attempt* to make the Guayaba Paleta like that, if they're authentic and care about their products, but it doesn't usually work out this spectacularly well. I doubt I'll ever find one better than this - not sure if I'll even have another one as good.
I didn't even know Guava was the kind of fruit that could offer such a huge chunks of deliciousness. But now I do.
So, they literally sold me the best Paleta I've ever had in my life. I thought it was slightly steep for $2 (but then so is the hill going up to your mother's love nest, I would know), but once I started eating it I realized it could have been $5 and it still wouldn't have been too expensivo for the wonderful deliciousness.
The super cute girls are really nice as well, and they have a massive menu (I mean literal menu, nothing dirty) (by the way girls I have a massive "menu" too) full of amazing stuff in both English y Espanol, so it's the kind of place you can keep coming back to until you get fat. Unless you're already fat. In which case, you can come here to get more fat. Or mas gordo. Or probably both.
I never expected to find this in Kansas City, but I guess if it's going to be in KC, it's in the right place right on the Mexican Street in the Latin District, southwest of downtown.
If you have a Magnum, I have a BERETTA
If you want revenge, I have a VENDETTA
If it's cold weather, your hands go in my SWEATER
If you're in the main pack, I'm the PACESETTER
If your review's censored, mine is UNFETTER (ed)
I was on an e-mail list when you still used NEWSLETTER (s)
I'm the German Shepherd to your Irish SETTER
I have a word for your sex skills, it has four LETTER (s)
Even Starlight said I'm a better PETTER
If you abuse animals, then I work for PETA
If your boyfriend does it good, I can do it BETTER
If you make your gf moist, I can make her WETTER
I date a glamour model, she says you've never MET HER
Your girl likes the ocean, mine looks like ALETTA
My girl is like Gruyere, yours is more like CHEDDAR
And yours never got full on the meats you FED HER
Ohhhhh
But you will never ever ever find one BETTER
Than the muy delicioso Tropicana PALETA