Alex P.
Yelp
Welcome to another exciting edition of City-by-the-Channel Shopping review. First, as some of you may have heard, there are rumors floating around that I have in fact left the Juneau area. I am here now to dismiss these false allegations. I absolutely still reside in the lower 48. Any talk of us having left the wild splendor that is Juneau is completely fictitious. I live in my house.
Now, back to more pressing matters. In need of a traditional Haida shammy cloth? No idea where to find one on this side of Funter Bay? Well slow down sailor, take a minute to smell the El Sombrero, and stop by Rainbow Foods for the largest selection of whatever you need in the downtown area. On your way up Franklin St, be sure to pay homage to the late Chief Cherpa of the Ewok tribe on Endor, his likeness is commemorated in a bust in pocket park. Unknown to tourists and locals alike, a quick look under the stairs behind pocket park will yeild you with the city's best selection and variety of last Friday's vomit. Moving on past 2nd St. you may notice the lack of a subway stop, this is a problem city officials have addressed and are working on solving as we speak.
Ahh, alas you have arrived at Rainbow Foods. Bask in the glory of Roy G. Bivs finest trail mix, his plethora of granola, and a selection of Bert's Bees that would bring the weird guy who collects mushrooms in a wicker basket downtown to his knees. Be sure to wear your finest thrift store-esque wool sweater and a pair of Carharts stuffed into your Xtra Tufs, as you wouldn't want to label yourself as a cruise ship deserter. While there, take a stroll through the Gatorade Mist tent, perfect for staying cool on the steamy winter days.
Once outside, you may notice the line of Evergreen Taxis down at the Baranof. Screw them, tuck and roll, and you may just make it all the way down to the Library/parking garage super-combo. Till next time Juneau, stay cute.