Pazel M.
Yelp
Where to begin with this total disaster of a meal. We arrive late to Milan, and are erroneously led to Convivium through a mixture of Google & Yelp reviews. We enter at about 11:40PM (closing time is 1AM), and are brusquely greeted by our waiter. He quickly takes our order (Caprese, Fetuccine w/ Sea Bream, Pizza Davola, Veal Milanese and an Aperol Spritz).
I knew we were in for trouble when the bread they gave us was rock hard; the bus boy insists that it is fresh from this morning (throughout the night, we notice a table adjacent to ours send their bread back as well). When they brought my drink it was flat as if the bottle of prosecco had been sitting for some time open (FYI an Aperol Spritz is: Aperol & prosecco on ice topped with club soda). I sent it back, and declined a replacement. Next the caprese is served without fanfare as the tomatos were tasteless & white.
It's at this point, I'm disheartened that my last meal in Italy will be this, and I immediately start thinking about finding a Mc Donald's for a Mc Flurry (I've never had one, but I imagine it's far more satisfying than anything Convivium will put out).
The pizza arrives, and to be honest it's ok. Not "oh I'm glad I trekked 20 minutes out here for this meal good," but serviceable in 3 star hotel room service kind of way. The pasta is a mess: the fetuccini was over cooked, and drenched in oil. At this point we are waiting for the veal and it's clear the staff has given up: they are loudly banging dishes in an attempt to clean up and quickly go home; the chef is texting, and clearly no one cares about us or our experience. The veal arrives and is bland, dry, and over cooked.
Our service the entire night was atrocious, our waiter couldn't be bothered with us and was extremely rude. The bus boy was much friendlier, but inexperienced. Upon paying at the host stand, we were not left with as much a thank you or good night. The kicker is they also have the nerve to add 3EUR/pp service charge to the bill; this to me clearly reinforces that they know their service is crap, and have to make people pay for it before presenting the bill.
If you're sightseeing and in a rush, this might be serviceable; however if you're used to eating food that is actually good, stay away. There's no reason to waste caloric intake here, get a bottle of water and keep it moving.