Jeff M.
Yelp
When time travel becomes possible, the first thing I'll do is go back in time and warn my younger self about the horrible burger experience that's going to cost him (me) $11.00. After that, I'll tell him (me) the winning lottery numbers that he (I) should spend the $11.00 on instead. Also, I'll probably advise him (me) on choosing a degree with greater earning potential (because winning the lottery is not enough, I guess). As God is my witness, I would have rather eaten a McDouble®. Somewhere up in bovine heaven (it's a thing), there's a cow wailing right now because her body was part of such a travesty.
First of all, $4.25 for a slider? I've had my fair share of sliders, and they usually run in the range of $2.00(ish). $4.00+ is some serious state fair-level bamboozlement. I ordered The Fire slider, and the Hot Lips Houlihan (HLH) slider to go.
The HLH slider was so awful that I actually start fuming when I think about it. The description mentions grilled onions, green leaf lettuce, kimchi and Korean grilled BBQ beef. What I actually got was soggy, soy sauce covered lettuce, no kimchi (that I could detect), very little grilled onions, and more soy sauce. There was so much soy sauce in the container that the burger was floating in sauce/water; the bun was slimy, gross, and so disgusting that I gagged (after biting into it) and had to throw it away. I kept the beef, which tastes like, surprise, soy sauce. Words can't begin to describe what an infuriatingly terrible burger this was.
The Fire slider was better, but does that mean much at this point? The spicy ranch and onion strings made it pretty enjoyable, but the chilies were soggy and took away from the burger. Something else I noticed with both burgers was how sloppily they were made. It's not even like a, "Our burgers are so big and filled with stuff that the bun can't hold it!" kind of sloppy. It's a sloppiness that seems to be borne of pure laziness; almost as if the cooks were playing basketball and free-throwing the ingredients to see if they could get them in the container.
After tip, it was $11.00. They may as well have reached into my pocket, yanked out the money, and brandished a bottle of Kikkoman® while cackling maniacally à la the Wicked Witch of the West, because that HLH burger was evil. Evil!!!
Rage. Grief. Regret. Betrayal. These feelings... Is this what a broken heart feels like? Thanks S & B's. I think you broke my heart. Also thanks to all of you four- and five-star Yelpers. You had a hand in breaking my heart as well. A lot of you mentioned having libations of some sort with your food, which would explain why you liked the food so much; you were drunk. "Best burger ever!" my brown ascot...
I know my rant is (just a tad) melodramatic, but this was, no exaggeration, the worst burger I've ever eaten in my life, and I've eaten at Jack In The Box. It was likely a freak occurrence; I'm aware that I'm floating somewhat alone in this hyperbolized sea of S & B praise, but with a food experience that was as awful as it can get combined with the ridiculous price point, I won't be back for as long as I can hold a grudge (which is quite a while; see Cuppies & Joe). However, the customer service was great, and they take KeepItLocalOK (10% off), which... I forgot to use so... FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-