Cindy W.
Yelp
Um... I was really expecting a well-manicured, vineyard-esque experience where we learn a lot about Puerto Rican coffee and chocolate. The views are beautiful and the chocolate here is the standout. Buy them online on their website. I would rate the farm a 3.5 as a storytelling/informational experience. My warning to you is the drive to get here. It is absolutely harrowing - had I known about the drive, I would have never come. If this review is too long - skip to my last paragraph.
This is really like a jungle where coffee happens to grow, and the dudes here harvest the beans by yolo'ing down a muddy cliff and tarzaning from coffee plant to coffee plant.
I believe the tour was $20, have to make reservation, max party of 6. Our tour guide was Caramello, and the tour lasted 3 or 3.5 hours. What it was was really learning about coffee, all the random fruit trees and herbs they grew or happened to grow, how Maria devastated them, and what they had to endure in the aftermath. Our tour guide tongue in cheek shaded Tres Angeles, the "fancy" roaster down the street and the Puerto Rican government to boot, told us a lot about his family, and even tried to convince us that racism doesn't exist in Puerto Rico. Ok, cool dude.
Having lived in a third world country before, this was a tolerable experience for me. To my friends, the tour was unbearable after the first hour. We finished an entire bottle of bug spray between the 6 of us and still got eaten alive. One of the girls in our group looked down and suddenly her leg was covered in fire ants. Every inch of the roof is covered in wasp nests - perhaps 50+ nests, and one of my group is deadly allergic to wasps. And you are right underneath for about 30min. Caramello was joking that they won't hurt you, except one time he got stung 50 times. He also dragged his hands through a giant spiderweb full of spiders and called it his friends. Really funny my dude.
The bathroom is in a shack with a spigot, and if you look in any direction there are giant spiders staring at you. I went to the loo in Sandra's house - which I am surprised and appreciated that they let me - and there was a roach staring down at me from the ceiling, ants trailing everywhere, and the family's personal bar soap. Just bring hand sanitizer.
Caramello talked about coffee preparation and made it a show for like 30min. Bro it's just drip in a chemex with a gooseneck... I feel like most people who would trek out here would know how to do this? The coffee is a light medium roast with strong pomelo notes. None were for sale, as they don't have enough for commercial production. The US & Maria both really fcked over Puerto Rico and it shows.
While I enjoyed the tour enough, the main reason I wouldn't recommend coming here is THE FCKING DRIVE. No one told us that it was essentially a one lane road with 2-way traffic, low visibility, and constant switchbacks - you MUST honk as you come around curves. One side of the road is a steep drop off the mountain, the other a gulch trapping your backwheels because at many points, you HAVE to pull off to the side to let another car by. Did I mention there are serious potholes too? If you have a 4 wheel drive car and a driver comfortable with off roading, go for it. I personally should have been sedated for entire drive. I could not open my eyes at all on the way up or down. The locals drove by quite fast and seemed to give zero fcks. It was harrowing and would not recommend for the faint of heart. Good luck.