Morgan D.
Yelp
Yeaaahhhhh, why are those fried onion things on everything?
Like, I'm an American, we love fried things, and even I was all: is this some sort of joke? Do you think this is funny? Do you?!
So let me paint the picture for you. Take you on a culinary journey. No, no, keep reading, use that attention span you had before the internet ruined it. I swear it's gonna be worth it.
(It's not gonna be worth it.)
My co-worker and I decided to mainly go with the recommendations of the server that evening ... and share, cause you know how women can possibly be a bit indecisive at dinner time. Our selection: chicken wings, banana salad, and the snapper curry.
My co-worker LOVED the chicken wings. I think she even got annoyed when I didn't like them--like fine, more for me, you crazy b*tch. It was just too much. I had pasta the night before, and the Carb Devils were taunting me. I could feel them swarming, readying for the sacrifice--one won't hurt you!! Muahahaha. The wings were heavily breaded with fried oniony things on top. I swear, I saw a little devil sprinkle their evil "funions" on our appetizer out of the corner of my eye. I took a bite and everything had this dry, crunchy texture that made me sad. And desperately scan the table for water. Was there even a chicken involved? Yes, there it was, buried beneath a barren desert of saliva eviscerating crunchies. Am I being dramatic? Yes. But I was dying for the salad to arrive.
Upon first bite of the banana-whatever-it's-called salad, all I tasted was the exact same crunchy onion shard. I kind of died inside. Have you ever just really wanted a fresh flavor in your mouth? Like really craved something new up in your taste buds? Of course you have, 74% of men said they'd cheat on their partners if they knew they could get away with it. Ok, ok, 68% of women said the same. (This according the first link I clicked after a google search.)
So then came the snapper, and I was extremely excited. Finally, something without fried onion bits! Hallelujah! Rejoice! I made it out of Carb Hell. Wouldn't you know that SOB fish was fried too. Dammit all to hell, where am I, Kentucky? Lord help me, I heard faint sounds of menacing laughter coming from the shadows. Those little devils had it in for me.
I've never been so mad at fried food before, and this from a woman who maps out food stalls before hitting up her local state fair.
***
Notes to the reader:
I most likely do not have an eating disorder, but just a real fear of high triglycerides.
Also, my co-worker thinks I'm insane and loved everything on the table.