Jodie Richards
Google
BOOKING
Booking with Mick (in Australia) was easy and his advice was invaluable. However, there's a disconnect between what Mick’s willing to promise and what Andreas (the Indonesian owner) is prepared to deliver.
For our honeymoon, we booked the “whole house” for 7 weeks. We left after 4. Our refund request was refused costing us thousands of dollars.
PRIVACY
Privacy was an issue. The extended family came and went day and night; showering, using the toilet, doing laundry, napping in the empty rooms, helping themselves to tea, coffee and to the fruit and chocolate (occasionally) provided for us.
This effectively ruined the "honeymoon" aspect of our holiday.
Unlike the family, we weren’t given the house access code, so we were occasionally locked out of the house. We were often locked out of the only bathroom by someone who didn’t answer our knocks. I wonder what he was doing in there with his phone? Getting luckier than us, I presume.
It took us almost a week to realise that Andreas' younger brother was secretly living downstairs and creeping about.
Our pleas for privacy and demands that we’d booked the “whole house” fell on deaf ears. Nothing changed.
At one stage, we found the house empty and locked it from the inside. Alone at last! 15 minutes later, the entire village was banging at the door demanding access.
The builders showed up on Christmas Eve to renovate the rooms underneath our bedroom!
If it's privacy you're after, this isn’t the place for you. Although the house is a stand-alone dwelling and the family lives in a house nearby, it's basically a homestay arrangement.
FOOD
The store-bought iced doughnuts sprinkled with 100s and 1000s were a bit ordinary as breakfast offerings go, especially since they looked like the kids had fondled and rejected them first.
The food was limited in variety, heavy on meat, low on vegetables and far too often dinner consisted of cup noodles, rice, and a couple of boiled eggs.
Fish was purchased from fish farms on Telo Main Island rather than from the local fishermen who caught reef fish with a mask and snorkel out the front of the house. This was disappointing and our lack of contribution to the community caused palpable resentment.
If you enjoy fresh fruit and vegetables and a varied diet, you'll be extremely disappointed.
SURFING
The left is excellent, and being able to watch it from the veranda is awesome. It's also a great place to watch all the garbage produced on the island float by. Unfortunately, this often meant we often surfed in a sea of dirty disposable diapers and assorted plastics.
There are other breaks accessible by boat and Andreas will take you for a fee, but he doesn’t surf so... Fortunately, there's a book in the house that's a comprehensive and invaluable guide to every break in the area.
Andreas makes phone calls while you surf and likes to finish them before he pulls up anchor, no matter how thirsty or sunburned his guests are. He often combines trips with errands while his guests wait. So, plan for long trips.
FACILITIES
My bedroom door locked from the inside but not the outside. Of course, that wouldn't have been an issue if our whole house booking was honoured. Interestingly, there were locks on the rooms we were locked out of.
After almost a month, we asked for our sheets to be laundered. The bedroom wasn't swept at all, which I could understand if there was a lock preventing access or our privacy was being respected.
Power is provided for 3-4 hours from sundown. Lights went out at 10pm, bringing an end to the slight breeze provided by the fan in the bedroom. Overnight, due to "safety concerns", window shutters and doors were locked, leaving us in a pitch-black, breezeless coffin.
There's no WIFI but there’s 4G reception.
BINTANG
Bintangs were fetched for my partner, rapid-fire, in the afternoon. This kept him drunk for most of our honeymoon.
So, if you prefer Bintangs to conjugal visits and you’ll eat anything, you will love Telo Surf House but don't bring your wife/girlfriend and limit bookings to less than 7 days.