Jimmy J.
Yelp
Okay. So I'm way conflicted about this. See, on the one hand I don't want to out what has got to be one of Maui's best kept secrets and in the process possibly ruin the whole dealio for myself. On the other hand the upstanding citizen/civic-minded/Jack Armstrong/hail-fellow-well-met side of me feels overwhelmingly compelled to bring it to the attention of you, the Maui-visiting public.
Stand back: I feel a song coming on.
You want value? Sheesh. The Mauian's got value streaming out of it's freaking...pores, like some kinda whack disease. The following is not based on empirical evidence or the Scientific Method or anything along those lines mind you, but I seriously doubt you could get more bang for your lodging buck anywhere else in Maui. Did I say Maui? Probably not anywhere else in Hawaii. Possibly not anywhere else in the world at any time in the course of human history, with the possible exception of the Beat Hotel in 1959. But I wouldn't recommend staying there (two stars), even if you could go back to 1959, which for all I know, all things being equal and therefore theoretically possible and so on, you may well be capable of doing. I think you know what I'm saying. Perhaps not.
Anyway, speaking of 1959, if memory serves (which it often doesn't), I believe the Mauian originally opened in 1959. Lucky for you, cowboy, they done undergone a way extensive remodel last year and went and got the place all gussied up real nice-like for ya.
I know what you're saying. You're saying, "Jimmy J., how can the Mauian be so fucking good?" Stay here and I'll tell you.
Let's start with breakfast, as so many of us do. Each day begins with a continental breakfast served in the community room thing which has a name which inconveniently escapes me at the moment. You'll know it when you see it. It'll be the place where everyone's eating breakfast every morning. Mmmm. Sweet delicious breakfast. Papaya, pineapple, melon, raisin bread, coffee, juice, muffins, other stuff. 'Course you don't have to eat there. You can always take it back to your balcony, or patio, as the case may be. If you do choose to dine al fresco, let me warn you: do not turn your back on your food for one instant, otherwise it will be descended upon and devoured in seconds by about a trillion pigeons. Trust me. It happened to me. About five times. And the pigeons won't leave, even if you punch them in the face. If you're not all that into filthy pigeons eating your food, I suppose you could always eat in your room, but for some reason that never occurred to me until just now.
On Thursday evenings a "Meet & Greet" is held in the community room thing where you bring some pupu, which in Hawaiian means "appetizer" and in English, of course, sounds like the exact opposite (although, if you think about it, one eventually becomes the other). Live music and mai tais are provided by the House. I shit you not.
Next, the staff: Need anything? No seriously. I mean ANYTHING. Just ask. They'll make it happen. Hell, the guy mowing the grass booked us a whale watching excursion, restaurant reservations, and some elective surgery whilst riding around on his John Deere in front of our room. I'm reasonably certain that if I had asked the maid for a rubdown with a happy ending (as I was strongly tempted to do, but was talked out of by Scarfy) she would have happily obliged at no extra charge.
Did I mention that the Mauian is located on the shores of beautiful Napili Bay, and is only steps away from Kaanapali Beach, one of the premier snorkeling spots in Maui? Not to sound like a brochure or anything.
Also steps away is a micro-mini shopping mall type thing that has on offer pretty much everything from soup to nuts, all at - dig this - reasonable prices.
Obviously, I can't say enough about the Mauian, so I guess I'll just arbitrarily stop here. For now.
[Note: This review may contain trace amounts of hyperbole. The five star rating however is solid, Jackson.]