Tanaz S.
Yelp
Too many people booked for such a tiny wet spa. It's like a dorm room, people in and out of everywhere. Slamming doors, talking loud, leaving towels, cups, and not picking up after themselves. The Hamman is really pointless. It's neither hot nor cold, and there is a small space to lay and get pelted with ceiling water and soft steam... no reason to sit on the marble seating area. Yes, the steam room and sauna are amazing, but very small for the number of people allowed in there. The cold room is entirely defunct. There are two tiny seats in a room that's as cold as a Publix. And a bowl of old ice. What to do with the old ice? Nothing. No facecloths to put over your face, no cucumbers, no point. But here is the biggest issue with the Faena. The beach is very very dirty. That's not something that is the fault of the Faena, it's human kind. We are absolutely the worst. Plastic bags, diapers, condom wrappers in there, plus the stink of seaweed. Someone should be hired to clean it up. So the beach is already 98 degrees and urine temperature hot, and also dirty. You can lay on the beach, right? $10 a beach chair if you're getting a 90 min massage- not bad . But here is the issue:
You pay a fortune to get a 90 min massage. Trek to the beach to buy $10 chairs to sit by ocean. And FML, there is live music playing - ON THE OCEAN. A woman is singing with a microphone on the sand. I almost imploded from shock. There are soundtracks of the ocean for purchase in the world. People want to listen to the ocean so much they spend money to listen to a digital version of it. And here we are, on the sand, right in front of an ocean and I have to hear Laura sing Amy Winehouse at 3pm over the ocean waves???? We are in a sound hell. The disruption was so bad, we left. People either sit on the sand and listen to their earbuds, or they listen to the waves. When this woman is singing at octave 1034 , you cant comfortably listen to either. I had a very stressful work week and all I wanted was some quiet time. Didn't get it. No one wants to listen to some random woman sing pop music on a beach. Make America quiet (again?). Faena please be a place of peace and restoration and rejuvenation. Please stop adding to the 305 epidemic of noise. The spa, the sauna, the pool, the beach were not places of peace. They were anxiety filled - noise filled, people filled - melting pots of stress. At least remove the singers from the beach. Please.