meem ..
Yelp
The best thing I can say about this place is that it brought back long-repressed memories of the most excruciating and pained nights I've endured in nearly 50 years on this planet. Since we didn't make it through the night, it'd be unfair of me to slot it into that list, but I suspect it would've beat out the rodent-infested youth hostel in central China.
Look, I understand this isn't supposed to be a luxury hotel. I've had my share of traditional camping experiences, and figured it couldn't be worse than sleeping on a thin air mattress on the cold rocky ground. I was wrong. Why? Well, a few highlights (far from exhaustive):
- The wind was relentless and fierce, which wouldn't be so bad if the tent didn't creak, bang, and pop like being next to the boiler room in the hold of a hundred-year old ship. Given that they provide complementary earplugs, they clearly know this is a problem. But even the those plugs were no match for the incessant skin-crawling noise (horror movies would do well to mic this place for their sound effects).
- The floor of the tent was springy and flimsy, which left the entire structure shaking and shuddering under each step. (Lest you think we're just heavy-set, the heaviest person in our party tips the scale at roughly 180 pounds.) This might not be a problem during the day, but at night it made sleeping impossible, with sleep-deprived tent-mates trying to tiptoe around yet further compounding the misery already being brought by the wind.
- The shoddy pillows and bedding left me yearning for that bony air mattress of yore. The pillowcases were like sandpaper and filled with what appeared to be packing foam. I'd taken the pull-out sofa to give my wife's parents the main bed and thus a better chance at actually sleeping, and the bars and internal guts from the sofa were digging into my spine like a torture device. In a fit of desperation, I also tried the main bed, and after flopping around like a fish on what felt like sound deadening insulation, I dejectedly scurried back to the sofa.
- Speaking of the pull-out sofa: the room's misting system (crucial since temperatures were still hovering in the mid-90's at bedtime) was clearly designed without any thought for the pull-out sofa, with water dripping down and pooling at the mid-point of the sofa. Forced to choose between the oppressive heat and a constant "just wet the bed" sensation, I opted for the heat - tossing and turning for an hour until my wife finally waved the white flag and booked a nearby hotel.
Again, I understand this isn't intended to be a luxury hotel. But it is supposed to be an elevated camping experience, and it's a fraud. It seems the effort was put into things that will garner interest on social media, rather than things that actually improve the quality of the experience. For example, It doesn't matter a whit to me if the bathroom sink made out of fancy stone - a simple porcelain (or even plastic) sink will do just fine. But soft sheets, a comfortable mattress, and an assortment of pillows with different firmness levels? Those actually matter.
And don't get me started on the contradictions of the place. For example, the shower requires that you hold down a pull lever for the water to continue to be dispensed. This is incredibly awkward - it's hard enough to shower properly with two hands, but the dance moves required to keep the lever pulled with one hand while lathering and scrubbing with the other are next-level. But OK, let's suppose for a second that this is all justified to conserve water. Then pray tell why is the sink faucet just a normal twist handle with no auto-shutoff? And speaking of auto-shutoff, why not design the shower pull handle to have some hysteresis so that it needs to be pulled every 10 seconds?
The only rational explanation I can arrive at for all of this is that the people who built this place simply don't care. Which is further evidenced by the fact that while they apologized for our inability to survive a single night, they pointed to a "weather" clause to justify not giving us a refund for this unspeakably miserable experience. Downright predatory.
Do yourself and your loved ones a favor - avoid this place at all costs.