Robert C.
Yelp
Would you stay at the worst room in a hotel cheaper than Motel 6?
We wanted a hotel to stay near Volcano National Park on the big island of Hawaii, entered a date, and TripAdvisor listed available hotels and rates.
The only hotel within the park was Volcano House, and the rate was $300+. And this is not your 4 Seasons hotel!
At Volcano House you are paying for a small room with a view from the publicly accessible veranda of the volcano crater.
Volcano Inn listed at $119 a night, the least expensive hotel listed, and a 5 minute drive from Volcano House. Take a $200 savings, and drive 3 additional miles!
To get the cheapest rate, call the hotel directly, and get an additional discount.
I make the reservation, and receive an e-mail, asking for full payment for my stay. Send personal check to the hotel within 5 days, to hold the reservation.
This hotel does not take credit cards, only cash, or personal checks that have cleared prior to your stay. You don't want to do a midnight drive to an ATM in Hilo 40 minutes away.
Cancel outside of 30 days prior to your stay, and lose 70% of your payment. Cancel within 30 days of your stay, and lose 100%. Don't book here until after you book your direct airline flights from the mainland. It's like marriage -don't commit until you are 100% certain!
No exceptions to the cancellation policy -plane crash, floods in the area, Trump elected president- short of the volcano erupting and the lava flow pouring through the inn. And even then, you'll be accountable if your room is intact, even if you have to wear a gas mask!
No volcano activity means minimal business. A full scale eruption with lava flowing into town, with the poisonous fumes also means no business. The owners want a happy medium, with some volcanic activity, but survivable!.
Hardest thing about this place is finding it. There's a Volcano House, Volcano Gardens, Volcano Store, Volcano Arts, Volcano Golf all within Volcano Village. Place is at the end of Old Volcano road, with the buildings hidden behind a rain forest, with only a rickety overhead sign at the entrance.
10' wide 100' length gravel access lane, and hope you don't meet someone coming out, especially as the entering car would back up onto a blind curve.
Remember those restaurant signs "no shirt, no shoes, no service"? Here it's no shoes for service. Sign at front of stairs to 2nd floor registration says "remove shoes before entering".
Don't want you tracking in volcanic pebbles on the soles of your shoes, scratching the hardwood floor. Ladies, don't bring your good shoes, least they get swiped by someone like me, wearing baby blue, crisscross strap Chako sandals.
Don't wear those socks with holes in them, and not white socks, where the dirt shows. Men, get a pedicure, as nobody wants to see your hairy, dried out feet with blackened, yellow, overgrown toe nails!
Registration gives us a key with a 6" piece of wood attached, long enough to put a hole in your pocket.
We get the worst of the 22 rooms in the hotel -ground floor next to the stairs going to the 2nd floor, right underneath the hardwood floors of the breakfast deck -no oversleeping in this room!
Room with a view? Four tall windows with a view of the parking lot! Room with a view costs an additional $50.
Place is immaculately clean and tidy, with no cockroaches to be seen.
Firm and comfortable queen bed, Free Wifi, CRT TV from the previous century, humidifier, dvd player, overhead fan and area to hang clothes. Tile floor of fake wood.
On the ceiling above the bed is a mirror. And you thought this was only in Vegas!
No AC, no closet, no dresser. no coffee maker, no microwave, no refrigerator, no heater, no working deadbolt on front door. Upgraded room with everything available for $50 extra, except the AC and heater.
Bathroom has its own full length window, which my wife covers with the translucent curtain. She doesn't want me flashing the guests, causing them to lose their appetites on their way to breakfast!
Sink is 1980s style, with minimal counter space. No sink stopper and no bath tub stopper -this is deliberate so guests use less water. Narrow bathtub, or I'm just getting fatter! Water collected from roof drainage.
Toilet has ancient plumbing and has to be flushed twice to flush everything.
Immaculate rainfall landscaping with communal salt water hot tub.
High winds at night cause plants and branches to blow back and forth, activating the motion detector lights in front of our translucent curtains. Spooky.
5am, we drive 15 minutes to the Jagger Museum for the best view of the lava flowing in the caldera.
Breakfast upstairs is papaya boats filled with sliced banana, yogurt and macadamia nuts, along with banana bread, coffee and hot chocolate. Enough for seconds.
I'm on the toilet, when everything shakes. Volcano erupting? Just the next door washer/dryer. Don't get a wet bottom from sloshing toilet water!
Early 10am checkout time.