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William Shatner of Star Trek and Priceline once gave me his Shake Shack Double Patty w/ Cheese, as we were crossing this Bridge. I hated it (predictably if you've seen my reviews of Shake Shack), but I loved the gesture. So much so that I lobbied for the Bridge to be named after this incident. I was successful.
Hence the name "Williamshatnersburger Bridge", which has been shortened (to save money on signage and be less confusing and other sh*t like that), to "Williamsburg Bridge." The more you know...
Speaking of knowing more. I can actually prove that William Shatner and I both know more bedroom tricks than any of your boyfriends do. We'll discuss this later if you want to. Oh crap, disclaimer: This only applies if you're male, or in the process of becoming male. Sorry ladies.
Anyway.
If you gave it to Shatner so good that all of his hair fell out, use the "Williamsbald Bridge" instead.
This is by far one of the most beautiful bridges I have ever crossed. At Sunrise, Sunset, or anytime throughout the day or night it's nothing short of utterly spectacular. Just look at the pictures and see for yourself, especially those taken by Nadia Z aka Nadz. Fantastic review too. Very talented she is. At photos. I meant at photos and reviews. I did not mean it like that. Stop it.
If Shatner was making you dinner and he left the rice on too long, then use the "Williamsburned Bridge" instead.
I've probably crossed this bridge nearly 100 times in my life, and I'm not even exaggerating. Most recently my brother was staying in a Brownstone on the other side of it from Manhattan, so we'd drive him across it back and forth more than a few times so that he could do all the sightseeing and food eating in Manhattan. I told him that Queens was the centre of the food universe but it was understandably all about Manhattan to him. He did love Jugos Prontito though. And of course adored Brooklyn, but then who really doesn't adore Bklyn? I had the chance to stay in my first every Brownstone and it was a lovely experience.
If you're actually one of Shatner's many, many kids, use the "Williamspawned Bridge."
One of these days I want to walk this bridge or cycle it. Until now I've only ever driven it. It would get a 5 star even if it weren't so spectacularly beautiful and huge and hard (like my thing) and sublime in its metallic tress-work grandeur. It would score 5 because it's a free bridge from the coolest trendiest part of Bklyn to one of the busiest and most fun parts of Manhattan (Canal St, East Village, etc). Anything free in NYC is a true blessing. Also this bridge has surprisingly good access and is not as backed up as you would expect, a lot of the time.
If you just lost an online forum debate with Shatner, use the "Williamspwned Bridge."
In general, crossing NY bridges is an orgasmic experience. For some, maybe literally. For me, it's a figurative way of enlightening those who have not "done it" so to speak, to the rush, the adrenaline, the awe-inspiring grandeur, the surreal and astounding visual spectacle of the vista before you, on every side, as you climb up to the sky, and then descend down into the belly of a completely different borough. "Welcome To Brooklyn" it says, the home of the real NYC. Or "Welcome To Manhattan" perhaps, the greatest tourist mecca on the planet. Whichever way you are heading on the Manhattan Bridge, you can't lose.
If you for some bizarre reason actually like these Shatner jokes, use the "Williampunned Bridge."
Here is my review of Manhattan:
http://www.yelp.com/biz/manhattan-new-york-2
My review of Brooklyn will be here soon:
http://www.yelp.com/biz/brooklyn-brooklyn-3
If you'd like to find some great food in either borough, check those reviews.
And if you're one of Shatner's angry exs, please instead use the "Williamspurned Bridge." If you like the way Shatner talks soft and sexy to you, use the "Williampurred Bridge." And if you want to entertain Shatner for the night, use the "Williamsbored Bridge." Whereas if you appreciate the curvature of his male parts, then use the "Williamsbend Bridge."
Everything you've heard about being intimate with Shatner is true and I can tell you this from personal experience. Let's just say that Priceline is not the only thing he knows how to "expertly negotiate", and "name your own price" also applies to renting him by the hour. The more you know...
Now I need to get to sleep. I'm very very tired. In fact I'm shattnered. And I just used his Priceline techniques to book this room at the Beam-Me-Up-Scottish Inn. I'll Spock to you in the morning.
Speaking of techniques, if you ever do spend a night with Shatner, ask him to do his world-famous legendary "two-finger pleasure punch" on you. Basically, it's where he puts his massive...
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