"If anyone tells you they go to Tower Bar “for the food,” they’re lying. Everyone at this industry hangout inside the Sunset Tower Hotel is here to see and be seen (or, as a friend taught us to call it over cocktails here one night, SABS). Oscar winners float through the dim-edging-on-dark dining room, on their way to their usual table for a pre-awards-night burger. Studio bigwigs hold court at very visible booths, strategically greeting (or ignoring) almost everyone who walks in. Well-behaved children in polo shirts quietly pick at their fries before falling asleep in their parent’s lap. Not to mention the low-level agents, aspiring actors, and tourists attempting casual nonchalance, all only half making conversation while on the lookout for someone, anyone, famous. photo credit: Tower Bar Perhaps, to you, that sounds horrible. To which we say, lighten up. You will not have a memorable meal at Tower Bar, but you will have a memorable Hollywood night. There are a few ingredients to keep in mind, though. Martinis are near mandatory, expertly made, and go very well with a plate of pigs in a blanket in the bar area. If it’s daytime, sit in the terrace room, as close to the pool as possible. If it’s evening, deny any attempt by the maître d' to seat you in that same terrace room and insist on a table in the clubby, dark main dining room. Come with someone who’s ready to gossip and embrace the fun, and who won’t be mad when you suggest ordering a $45 burger. Tower Bar is ridiculous. And that’s entirely the point. Food Rundown Martini At this point, ordering a martini in a place like Tower Bar is a cliché. Who cares? They taste good, make you feel fancy, and the ones at Tower Bar are excellent. Pigs In A Blanket On the other hand, pigs in a blanket are entirely unsophisticated and yet, still, a Tower Bar classic. These are fine, although they do sometimes come out kind of burnt. Calamari Fritti This is a truly enormous plate of calamari. The batter is light (insert a Hollywood “eating light” joke here), but also underseasoned. Underseasoning will become a theme. Spicy Tuna Tartare “Spicy” is more a frame of mind for this loosely Asian tartare, which merely nods at tingling your tastebuds, or really any kind of flavor at all. TB Chopped Salad Perhaps the nicest thing we can say about this salad is that, unlike many chopped salads in this city, it’s not overdressed. It is, though, underseasoned and utterly boring. Chicken Pot Pie It’s a good thing that the lighting here is dim, because there’s no real way to make a pot pie photogenic. This one, however, delivers what it needs to, with a buttery crust and rich filling. Tower Burger Yes, this cheeseburger is $45. But it’s also undoubtedly the best thing here. There’s nothing revolutionary about arugula and caramelized onions on a burger—in fact, it’s pretty retro these days—but that’s because it tastes good. You’ll get a big cylinder of fries to go with it, making that price tag sting (a little) less. Sundae The only dessert you should consider. The act of ordering is the best part—you'll get a sundae menu and pen to check off sauces and toppings to go with the absolutely standard ice cream. Watch out though, $4 toppings can pile up quickly." - Jess Basser Sanders
