Mr K.
Yelp
Are you wandering around aimlessly near the ASU campus for no apparent reason? Is the merciless summer sun shriveling your soul as you begin speaking in tongues? Are you in need of a giant air conditioning unit, but aren't in the mood with dealing with your steaming kitty litter box at home, or spending hard-earned cash money getting a beer at Fat Tuesay with a bunch of identical-looking frat guys with spiked and frosted hair?
Then come here. To the ASU Art Museum, located off Mill, just north of the School of Music building - you know, the one that looks like a giant pink birthday cake. Or a salmon birthday cake. I already told you I failed at Crayola. Let's move on.
First, a note of caution. It is a little confusing getting to this here ASU Art Museum. For out in the scorching sun, there is a set of stairs that go up...only to come back down again. That's it. Stairs for stairs' sake. Just...stairs. No walkway at the top. No entrance to a building. No window. No nothing. Stairs. Leading to nowhere. Except more stairs.
When you do find the shadey part, however, you then go down (more stairs), but this time into somewhat of an abyss. And suddenly you come across a courtyard with some interesting art pieces.
Check it out: for there is a stone lady wearing a hat. And nothing else.
And look! More sculptures. None of which I can remember right now. I know. I'm pretty useless.
And you're not even in the museum yet.
Ok, now go into the museum.
Wait. Hold on. Just stand for a minute. Don't move.
Just take in the air conditioning.
Ahhhh.
Just like going into the walk-in fridge at Circle K....not that you do that regularly.
Where were you? Oh yeah, check in your bag and your camera at the information booth, because these docents don't tolerate. But pay no dinero for an entrance fee. Gratis! Score.
Go to the bathroom. Look at your face in the mirror. See it all tired and sweaty. Splash it with cold water. Wake the hell up. You're going to be looking at art for a while. But first, appreciate the immaculate bathroom. No one's obviously ever in here.
Ok, art.
GROUND FLOOR
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Paintings in a multi-purpose room. A gallery full of incredible ceramics by Kurt Weiser (http://asuartmuseum.asu.edu/2009/edenrevisited/index.php). Actually scratch that. His exhbition is heading elsewhere ...you lose. But no worries; something else will be in its place. Move to other side of the ground floor. An interactive sound gallery by Paulo Nenflidio. Contraptions. Some you can play with, like a Brazilian berimbau and something that looks like it came straight out that Mousetrap 80s board game, and some off limits. Sound machine dioramas made by high school students line the floor. Now, move past a few paintings in the foy-ay and head up the stairs.
SECOND FLOOR
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It's the Gallery of the Americas. A big room containing art from throughout the Western Hemisphere. Which would be fine, except that styles of American art seems a little incongruous to Latin American and Afro-Caribbean art, and that having them all jumbled together is a little random. And hey, where's the Canadian art? Poor Canucks. Not even an afterthought. However, the individual pieces in this room are still interesting. Not to mention you also get to behold a wall of flesh. Tasty.
Go into the hall, head up a couple of steps and move outside to a small courtyard where two giant abstract men are lazing about in all their glory. Then you remember that being outside kind of sucks. Go back in through another door, where you think you're heading into yet another gallery. But no, it's the Gallery of the Americas again. You are apparently trapped inside MC Escher's head.
But then, what is this? More stairs?
THIRD FLOOR
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Another huge gallery space, currently in between exhibitions. You are stumped, realizing this museum is much larger than you ever expected. Who'd have ever thought?
BACK ON THE GROUND FLOOR
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Meander into the art museum gift shop. It's big and cluttered, and seemingly more like a tchochke art tinket store meets Marshalls meets a Sharper Image. You'll probably buy nothing, and will wonder why they're selling clothes that don't say "ASU" or "I Heart Spin Art!" but it's good for a walk-thru nevertheless.
Then collect your bag and camera from the front desk. Hesitate. Because you know your time wandering through a surprisingly large and temperature-controlled art museum for absolutely free in Tempe is about to come to an end. A blast furnace awaits you outside. Along with stairs that lead to more stairs.
But who said the world is perfect? You just spent an hour in an air-conditioned establishment without having to listen to Nickelback while the table next to you is playing quarters. Off you go.
4 stars.