BeyBey Miami

"Usually, reservations guarantee a warm welcome and a seat at a table. Not at Bey Bey, a vaguely Lebanese (and sometimes Spanish) restaurant and lounge in Sunset Harbour. They host private events more often than school children host lice colonies on their heads. On both our visits to this restaurant (which we made reservations for) we arrived only to find out that the space was booked for a private party. On one such occasion, we were left eating outside under the pouring rain like a heartbroken woman in a Nicholas Sparks novel. Our experience feels symbolic of a larger issue at Bey Bey: it values exclusivity over hospitality. Like a buff man who wears stringer tank tops, Bey Bey’s single redeeming quality is its looks. The restaurant could be the set for an ‘80s disco movie involving crime, lust, and a protagonist with a passion for the color purple. If only Bey Bey tasted as good as it looks. The menu—which changes like the Miami weather on a single August day—might have things like spinach gyozas, hamachi crudo, or lamb flatbread. The dishes on the menu are accompanied by incoherent poems with phrases like “vibrant mirth,” which is the exact opposite of how this bland food makes us feel. The concise menu leaves no room for error (something they make a lot of). We’d say stick to the drinks, but those can sometimes taste like they were made by someone who doesn’t believe in expiration dates. The people behind this restaurant say they decided to call it Bey Bey as an homage to an Arabic phrase that sounds similar and loosely translates to, “Mi casa es tu casa.” But Bey Bey couldn't be less welcoming. And this becomes even more apparent by 10pm, when the periwinkle bunker transitions into a disco lounge only a select few are allowed into. We have heard firsthand accounts from friends of being rudely turned away by an infamous doorman, who you can also read about in countless unintentionally hilarious online reviews. Bey Bey needs to add an addendum to their mission statement: mi casa es tu casa—if we think you’re cool enough. Food Rundown photo credit: Mariana Trabanino Hamachi Aguachile If it’s on the menu, order it. It’s one of the few dishes we like. The aguachile is more mild than most, but it has a strong citrusy flavor that works great with the thin slices of hamachi. photo credit: Mariana Trabanino Lamb Flat The lamb flat lands flat. It’s essentially a man’oushe that comes with mint salsa verde and goat cheese, but none of those flavors come through. At least the goat is tender. photo credit: Mariana Trabanino Grilled Cheese Your server might tell you to prioritize this dish over others. We’re not sure why. It’s a very ordinary grilled cheese that you have to eat with a knife and fork because they plop fig jam on top rather than inside the sandwich. Skip this, and from now on only accept grilled cheese you can pick up with your hands. photo credit: Mariana Trabanino Cheesecake There’s usually a cheesecake on the menu and it’s either basque or a labneh cheesecake. We’re partial to the labneh because it’s sweet, tangy, and if you’re craving a good slice of basque cheesecake, you should go to Edan Bistro instead." - Mariana Trabanino