Philip G.
Yelp
This is the fourth and final review in a 4-part series entitled, Big Sexy Gives It Up for Charity.
And I quote, "Finally.....I promise to not fart, belch or do any other body function that will take away from our good time." These precious words have been lifted directly from Destry's official charity auction date post, and wuddaya know? Destry farted on our date. Twice. I begged him to squeeze his sphincter as tight as he could until we were out of the car, but he couldn't help himself. He dropped the mother of all ass in the car. I nearly suffocated to death. For serious. I swear to God it smelled like he shit out a dead baby.
I feel compelled to mention this incident, not to out Destry as a deceiver, but to make a point: Destry kept his word. "How is that possible?" you say. "He nearly killed you by potentially causing you to choke on your own vomit!" Well, in spite of Destry's gas leak, I had a grand time on our date, so his bodily functions in fact did not take away from "our good time". Destry knows how to warm a place up in ways that don't involve flatulence, just enough that he can get away with a near-deadly squeaker now and then.
Right, so less fart talk, more Bob Inn details... I've never been disappointed when I go to Bob Inn. It's in the top tier of must-visit Chicago dives. The beer is cheap, the jukebox offers solid early rock 'n roll, and the patrons are almost always drunk and friendly. My charity date night was no exception. Jenny R (my usual Bob Inn drinking partner), her hubbinator, and one of Destry's buds showed up to engage in the revelry. We downed quite a large number of PBRs, shot some pool, and engaged in conversation with some of the regulars, one of whom wanted to challenge us to a game of pool. When his time arrived, he decided he wanted to go out and get stoned instead. But he told us we could use his quarters, so it was all good.
By the end of the night, Destry and I bonded in a way most men will never understand. That's right, we danced erotically to Creedence Clearwater Revival and ended the evening by making out on the pool table. Now, I might be making this part up since I was pretty essfaced by the time we left, but it sounds like a romantic way to end the night, so that's how I'll choose to remember it. I'll also choose to remember Destry looking like Kristen Bell at that point.