Omid T.
Yelp
I was unimpressed by Bollynan the first time I tried it, but decided to take mercy because it was their first day open, and thus they had run out of many things early on. I figured what I had tried were the second-tier leftovers, mostly from their insipid "franco" side of their "cuisine franco-indien," so I promised I'd eventually come back, in hopes of finding a better meal after they'd gotten their bearings straight.
Bollynan offers - like many an ethnic take-out restaurant in Paris - a glass case of pre-made foods, ready to be scooped on to plates and re-heated. In addition to several Indian dishes, there are more "approachable" western dishes like roast chicken, green beans, and roast potatoes (likely from the location's past as a fairly decent rotisserie chicken take-out). Unfortunately, this second-guessing of the customer's sophistication and adventurousness leaks over to the Indian side of the cuisine, which is as bland and uninspired as the meat-and-two-veg next to it.
The plus side is that there is no microwave here. Your entire plate is reheated in a normal oven. This is great for things like chicken, saucy vegetables, etc. This is terrible for things like rice, which dry out to a crisp during the reheating process. So in addition to being served the cheapest, lowest-grade, broken-ass basmati rice I've seen anywhere in the world, it comes to your table dried out. To remedy this, the server pours a pissweak sauce over the rice, which by some freakish black magic makes it both irreparably soggy AND dry at the same time.
I may have mentioned that the food is remarkably bland. While there's a barely detectable hint of weak curry powder in some of the dishes, there's no aromatic "wow" that defines even the most poorly executed Indian food. Flavors are muted and indistinct, and the food seems there only to fill you up -which it does. Fortunately, the management at Bollynan have seen to it that there are three pathetic shot glasses of "typical" condiments on each table, most likely coming from a Patak's jar. The only one of these that has any flavor or heat is the lime achar, where the contents of one shot glass MAY be enough to flavor your meal -if you want your entire lunch to taste of cheap pickled lime and chili.
Finally, there's the naan. The naan is quite good, if a bit tiny compared to other Indian spots in town. It costs more than at these other places and is not counted as part of the side dishes included with the meal, so you must pay €2 extra for it. It is actually made to order in a real tandoor oven (I saw them installing it myself), and is the only part of the meal remotely worth what is charged.
And that's the problem. Start with 9-12 euro for a "formule" of a main dish and two sides, tack on at least €2 for a piece of plain naan (more for cheese naan), and another minimum €2.50 for a can of soda. A proper meal thus costs you a minimum of €14, for stuff that's of far lower quality and taste than what you'd get a 15-minute walk north in the 10th arrondissement. Granted, this is Montorgueil - the rent is higher and the people seated beside you are more likely well paid and white.
"C'est normal," as Parisians say, right?
To which I say FUCK YOU.
Just because you've taken a cuisine a little more upscale by opening up in a nicer neighborhood doesn't mean you have to water it down. In fact, as an ambassador of your culture, it is your responsibility to make it better, more memorable, and equally delicious as what's available cheaply from your cousins in the ethnic ghettos. It is your responsibility to break the stereotype that ethnic food is only good or authentic when it's cheap and grungy. And it is your job as a god damn restaurateur to not serve mediocre crap.
Unfortunately, while a few friends will get a laugh out of this review and applaud the return of my one-star hate machine, it will never get through to the masses who actually give this place repeat business and further encourage this kind of mediocrity. But if one of you out there gets the message, then my job is done.
