Morgan L.
Yelp
My goodness was I disappointed in Cafe Heaven this time. Train wreck is an understatement. I've been here for breakfast before (it's been a few years.. but I remember enjoying it). The dinner menu sounded great so I wanted to give it a try. It was a mistake. I will not be back for dinner. I did really like one drink that I had though, I wish I could remember what it was called but I know it had beets in it. Maybe I'll come back just to the bar area sometime, though I will not be getting dinner food... hopefully I can update my review next time after a better experience, but this one left a pretty bad taste in my mouth (literally + figuratively).
Food: 0/10
Service: 0/10
Ambiance: 0/10
Drinks: 5/10 (one mixed drink was good, one wasn't)
Food--I am completely positive that my food came out of a can. I would have taken Chef Boyardee (ew) any day over what I was given though. It was dog food quality. None of the food we ordered was redeemable in any way. Presentation was meh, flavor was much worse. Nothing tasted fresh. Once my waiter finally did come over, I asked to have salt, pepper and red pepper chili flakes brought to the table so that I could try to slightly salvage my meal. Nothing helped, it was impossible to make my linguine taste edible. I don't understand how food can be made to taste this bad. I mean even the bruschetta was bad, which is a dish that I can confidently say that I've never had be subpar before, but they managed to make even THAT taste terrible--how does this happen?
Service--Excuse me, what?? Do they specifically hire people to ignore you at all costs? This is an honest question, I genuinely am curious if this is like supposed to be "part of the experience" or something? I can't remember the last time I was taken care of this poorly. They weren't even busy, there were tons of wait staff just milling about, and no one would look at us or come over. I tried SO hard to get their attention and it was a MINIMUM of 20 minutes before someone would come help us each time. THREE random people had to bring us stuff because our waiter was no where to be found. And I quote from the bartender "are these yours? They were sitting at the bar for a long time, and I wasn't sure who they belonged to," because our waiter completely forgot that we'd gotten drinks. At least come fill my cup so that I can have something to do other than twiddle my thumbs. I couldn't even get someone to fill our water glasses, let alone our wine glasses. And by water glasses, I mean the very same cheap plastic cups that I used at Girl Scout camp as a child (lol why?).
Ambiance--unbelievable amount of flies. Not sure where they're coming from, the doors are closed (though it's not like there's a big fly problem outside either?)...After being in Ptown for a week this time, I don't think I saw a single fly. Until I came here, that is. I spent most of the meal just trying to shoo them away from me. There were house flies, fruit flies, all kinds of flies. I wish I were exaggerating on this, but there were dozens in the room. To detract from the ambiance further, there were people vacuuming the whole time we ate. It's not like we were the last people here, but I guess they were really trying to let everyone know it was closing time. We would have been out of there a whole lot sooner if our waiter didn't take about an hour in between each time he checked on us (ok, this part on the timing might be an exaggeration...but not by much).
And to top it all off, it was an outrageously expensive meal (which I wouldn't have minded if there had been anything good about this place).
This was a truly horrible experience lol.. I was in such a good mood when I got here and I tried my best to remain positive and enjoy our evening, but my gosh was this entire thing an unforgettably awful outing. It really felt like we were being Punk'd or something.