105mih_lyt
Google
I arrived in Kalopanayiotis in the first half of the day, and at first glance the place seemed very cozy. It felt soaked in Venetian history, its natural beauty having once drawn the English to build their country houses here. I parked my car full of suitcases on the opposite side of the bridge and went to the reception. I had made a reservation in advance and specifically requested a room with a view over the valley—because that’s the whole point of coming here. I was promised exactly that.||On the way to the hotel we had to squeeze through ongoing construction work, with all kinds of obstacles blocking the way. Finally, reception: smiles, the usual “welcome,” keys—and then our room… disappointing. No balcony, no panoramic view, just a semi-basement with a wooden door full of gaps, a crumbling floor, and someone else’s hair scattered about. Outside there were two chairs and a table with an umbrella, but the cushions were filthy and stained—fit more for the trash or at least a dry cleaner. I asked for another room and was told everything was fully booked, but my luggage would be delivered “within an hour” after the construction cleared. We had a spa reservation and needed our things. An hour and a half later, the machinery was still working, and staff finally suggested I carry my own luggage. When I pointed out there was an alternate route, an old man laughed, waved it off, and wished me a good day. Reception confirmed—“sorry, impossible.” I went myself, found the room service team in three minutes, explained the situation, and they immediately helped with a golf cart. No excuses, no drama—problem solved. Which makes you wonder, what exactly does reception do here?||Dinner at Byzantino followed. The outside seating had the same stained, worn-out cushions, and the staff uniforms were just as blotched. The food was mediocre to the point that we couldn’t finish it—even though we were hungry. Never before had water and appetizers been served so slowly. The ingredients didn’t taste fresh, and my stomach agreed. The terrace view was the only redeeming factor—if you don’t look too closely at the surrounding construction debris and storage sheds. Later, we ordered a chicken Caesar salad in the room… only to discover it was drowned in rock-hard bacon and clearly pre-prepared, not freshly made.||The next day we tried tea and dessert at Byzantino. Outside it was a sunny 30°C, yet staff insisted we couldn’t sit on the balconies and instead offered the inner courtyard only. The very balconies with the view—the reason we came! Instead, we sat in stale air, at sticky furniture likely wiped with the same cloth as the floor, with torn pillows leaking stuffing and stained with grease. The logic is baffling.||Kalopanayiotis is historically known for its healing waters, rich in radon and hydrogen sulfide, once used by the Byzantines. Today the springs are in ruins. To reach the water trough, you must cross a stinking swamp using a haphazard pile of rocks and planks. Break your leg on the way? Maybe the radon water will help. Just beware of the collapsing shack above your head.||Dinner at Loutraki was slightly better—the food at least edible—but far from fine dining, though the prices suggest otherwise.||On the day of departure, we canceled our spa booking 22 hours in advance, but were told to pay 50% anyway. I explained I had made my reservation over the phone with no mention of such terms. They showed me their written policy, which requires 100% prepayment and charges 50% for cancellation. I never prepaid, never agreed. For the next day I was harassed about this “debt.” At checkout, I paid all actual bills but refused the spa charge. Only after I firmly suggested they call the police or take me to court did they reluctantly drop their claim.||From what I observed, most guests here are locals or young IT couples looking for privacy. Demanding, detail-oriented travelers won’t find comfort here. This is economy-class service disguised with luxury prices, where the main goal is to squeeze your wallet while offering mediocrity.||The village and its nature are indeed beautiful—there’s a river and radon baths—but walking paths for visitors are non-existent; you’ll share the roads with cars. The place is a missed opportunity: a jewel of Cyprus badly mismanaged, with no soul, where hospitality seems reduced to a money-grab.||Coming here just for a walk and leaving—that’s the maximum I’d recommend. But even for a walk, I find Kakopetria far more pleasant.