Rony M.
Yelp
This place makes me want to have elective surgery to attach a second stomach! True it wouldn't be as appealing as a Collagen Injection Treatment or Rhinoplasty, but this will be a functional as a cosmetic procedure can get. I think that SSIs (second stomach implants) are really going to take off. My top 4 reasons --
It's fashionable. Everyone will think you're so retro for bringing back the fanny-pack. They don't know it's your secret weapon for wrecking fraternity keg-stand records.
Own the party. While everyone is accumulating gin blossoms, your second stomach will be an alcohol-processing factory. Digesting instead of digressing.
Make $$$ on the competitive eating circuit.
Save time. You'll be able to fit enough in your stomachs for the whole day. This is a lifesaver for deadlines and finals week.
This is where "Cegro" comes in with portions fit for a World's Strongest Man contestant --
Moronga con Tortilla is a spicy and spiced mixture of rice and blood sausage. A true artisan product that combines the texture of Korean Sundae and the spiced flavor of English Black Pudding with distinctive Nicaraguan heat.
Churrasco de Pollo is a massive charbroiled chicken breast served with just about everything including; rice, beans, fried sweet plantains, repollo (Nica coleslaw) and pico de gallo.
Fried Cheese needs to be mentioned again because it's the best fried cheese I've had in my life (don't tell my mom). Piping hot, crispy on the outside and creamy, soft and salty in the middle.
The following will not be going into my second stomach --
Fried Plantains should be thin sliced to allow them to caramelize. I'm not a fan of plantain chunks.
Cacao con Leche is basically water and baseball clay. It has a mild chocolate flavor and disturbing grainy texture.
Live music is usually a good thing. The one-man band was really shredding with all his balladas romanticas, but El Sol 95 was also playing in the background. My brain was confused by the unintentional Charlie Zaa vs. Marc Anthony mash-up.
Shady service. I knew there was something wacky going on when my credit card receipt read .50 cents and the tip was about fifty times that. I signed it, left my tip in cash and went on my merry way... I had one cheek on my leather seat when my portly little waitress came charging out the front door like a rhino with rabies. I was about to put my other cheek in the car and drive home to sleep off my food coma, but my conscience intervened.
On one shoulder was, Ashley Parker Angel, from Making the Band and the staple of pink iPods everywhere, O-Town. On the other shoulder was, Diablo Cody the former exotic dancer and writer of Jennifer's Body + Juno. Girls are suckers for a sensitive pretty boy with a name suitable for a female adult film star. Somehow Ashley just flicked his blond hair and serenaded his way into Diablo's heart, because I got out of the car. Oh how I regret that! I waited for an agonizing 20 minutes while I watched the server figure out how to refund my credit card and pay all over again... Damn you Ashley Angel and your Affliction patterned acoustic guitar!