Carl F.
Yelp
So, I was supposed to have brunch with George Takei (of Star Trek fame) today, but instead I spent the morning into afternoon holed up in my hotel room with whatever the Columbus, Ohio version of Montezuma's Revenge is, thanks to what was possibly the most repulsive meal I've ever been served.
I was going to give 2-stars because the girl who took my order was well spoken and somewhat helpful, but the events that transpired prevent me being generous with deuce stars. And it's not like I expected some gourmet ish or anything, but I was at least hoping for something that was edible.
I was staying at a hotel located roughly a quarter mile from CADD when I saw their menu, which featured like 8 different variations of fries, in the hotel lobby. I wasn't super hungry but I LOVE fries and kind of always have that underlying 'I could eat' feeling, so I went for it and called in an order to be delivered (they're open and deliver until 4am) to my hotel just shy of 1am.
After that it was all downhill.
I ordered:
* Buffalo Fries
* Cheese fries w/ jalapenos
* Buffalo Shrimp
Order total: $14.85 + $5 cash tip for driver because it was the smallest bill I had.
*Was told delivery time for 2 orders of fries and shrimp would be 45 minutes. Actual deliver time was just shy of 2 1/2 hours at 3:30am. Which sucked for a number of reasons, #1 being that at that point I was more exhausted than hungry and would have preferred just falling asleep.
*I'd already gotten into my PJs and was sure to ask the girl on the phone if the driver would deliver right to my room or just to the lobby, as my PJs are NSFPublic (not because they're racy but because they're basically being held together by various permanent food stains and I prefer to keep that visual a secret) and I'd planned on not ordering if it meant I was going to have to put on real pants and shoes again to go down to the lobby. The girl on the phone said it depends on the hotel security if the driver can come up or not, and I figured that since my hotel had zero lobby or otherwise security that I'd be good to stay within the confines of my room. That unfortunately didn't end up being the case because the driver didn't want to make the trip up the elevator, so I ended up having suit up and go down for my cold-ass 2.5 hour-old food.
*I open the bag of food and the first thing I pull out is the single napkin they packed with my order that's crumpled up, wet, and appears to have already been used by someone else.
*The buffalo fries had sogged and congealed together to form one mass glob and it looked like all someone did was put one pump of buffalo sauce right in the middle.
*The cheese + jalapeno fries where the container was about 40% coagulated cheese substance. It was pretty close to being inedible.
*The buffalo shrimp were downright disgusting. I don't even think there was shrimp in there. If I had to guess, I'd say it was closer to heavily breaded bits of earthworms and there was no buffalo sauce included. There was, however, a small container with a shot of straight drained grease. I stuck my fork in to attempt to stir and do a taste check and sure enough, just thick oil-y grease shot. No buffalo. It smelled so bad that I had to dump it down my hotel bathroom sink, which i know you aren't supposed to do with grease but this was an emergency. Trust. The sh*t was so thick it just pooled over the drain and stayed there. About 4 minutes later I heard a gurgle from the bathroom that ended up being the sound of the grease finally starting to make it's way down the drain.
*It was hard to eat more than a few bites of any of it, so I ended up trashing 85% of my $20 meal and then writhing in pain the rest of the night from my stomach's disagreeable reaction to the absolutely abhorrent food.
Hands down the foul-est food experience I've ever had... and this is coming from a person who accidentally ate a cat litter particle a few weeks ago thinking it was fallen oatmeal chocolate chip cook bit.
Not fit for human consumption would be the simplest way to describe my meal from here.