Bradley N.
Yelp
ABCD Season One, Episode One: "Cup'a Joe."
Conversation overhead here. Loosely translated.
A: Wow, great coffee in an awesome location: open air, sun, nearby fountain, seats in the shade, and nice menu choices for a light lunch.
B: Hmmm .... Moonbeams was better. Had more charm and character. They were outbid by this mini-chain that is taking over the Stanford campus faster than Hugo Chavez claimed the presidency for life.
A: What? That's just lefty, bleeding-heart remorse for a bygone era. Coupa won this spot fair and square. They were willing to pay more, and winner takes all. Come on, it's just two locations on campus and their flagship store in Palo Alto. It's not like they staged a coup or anything.
B: Don't mock my pain! I miss Moonbeams. If only Michael Moore were here right now, he'd show you. His next film should be about how coffee chains have taken over the caffeine business and are running small stores with quirky charm and fairly-traded beans into the ground.
A: Really? You can get Blue Bottle at Fraiche, and Danesi espresso at Tootsie's. And fair trade at CoHo, jazz music too. It's all good, baby! Don't be knocking the free market. Adam Smith would not be pleased. This round is on me, and my leetle friend, the Invisible Hand ... (holds up one palm like a Nazi salute). And look around, comrade. This ain't exactly Flint, Michigan.
B: Flint has better weather, it's true (smirks). And Adam Smith would NOT like Coupa. All that caffeine would make his Invisible Hand too jittery. But maybe their elephant vanilla chai, though ... it's sooo good. Sinfully delicious! It's the real opiate of the masses, I think. Good thing I'm not religious. Anymore.
C: Excuse me, my son just started at Stanford this year. Class of 2014, we're all so proud of him! Which coffee place should he choose? This one seems really popular. (Lowers his voice). Do you know if .... Dr. Rice orders her coffee here?
B: It's next to the freakin' library, you know. Location, location, location. It's textbook Ricardo. Even Condi knows that.
C: Ricky Ricardo? From I Love Lucy? That Dezi was so hilarious! Is he Venezuelan?
A: From Cuba, actually. But his family left even before Castro. And don't listen to my capitalist-bashing friend. All you need to know you can watch on rerun television or YouTube.
D: Hi honey! (Kisses C). How's the coffee here? It's so adorable, and all those helpful staff who speak Spanish. Maybe our son (he's a student here, you know) should take some more of those foreign language classes. Then he could order his coffee like the locals do. Wouldn't that be just super bueno? How do you say "platinum preferred" in Spanish, I wonder ...
B: And pay $3 for a latte? Hardly. More like picking beans for a measly minimum wage. Try ordering coffee on that!
A: Please ... you're a graduate student at Stanford, not some barricadista fighting for the rights of the indigenous peaberry picker. Drink your coffee or go home, you Marx-loving Yanqui!
B: Well, OK. But I prefer the chai, really ... The tea leaves must be organic, right?
A: Riiiiiiight ... But don't ask about the cows. They're non-union, I'll bet. Next time, order it without the milk. Cows of the world, unite! (mockingly moos the Internationale).
C: What time is Lucy on? It's getting late. Time to go home, dear.
D: But I want to stay and finish my coffee first.
And stay they did.