INCOGNITO AUDITOR
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🍗 C.R. Chicks (PGA Blvd) – ⭐ 1 Star for emotionally scarring poultry in a plastic box. 😩🐔🔥
I came for rotisserie chicken. I left questioning my life choices, my taste buds, and whether chickens are getting revenge from beyond the grave. 🪦🐓
🍽️ THE FOOD:
The chicken was so dry I thought I accidentally ordered a Thanksgiving flashback from 1996. 🦃💨
You could re-grout your bathroom tiles with the mashed potatoes, and the corn soufflé?
Let’s just say it had the texture of sweet regret and sadness pudding. 🌽
They say “Made fresh daily” — but I think “fresh” is just their nickname for three-days-old and microwaveable.
At one point, I tried adding hot sauce to bring it back to life, but even the hot sauce gave up and slid off like, “I’m not part of this.” 🧴🚫🔥
😐 SERVICE:
I walked in and was greeted with all the warmth of a malfunctioning ATM.
One employee blinked twice at me — not sure if it was a greeting or a cry for help.
When I asked what came with the meal, she just pointed vaguely at the air like I was supposed to read the menu telepathically. 📡👁️🗨️
💺 AMBIANCE:
It’s like someone combined a middle school cafeteria, a dentist’s waiting room, and a chicken-themed fever dream.
Plastic chairs. Brown walls. A decorative chicken statue that I swear judged me as I took a bite. 🪑🐔😳
Is it farmhouse chic or early 2000s food court horror? We may never know.
🧽 CLEANLINESS:
Let’s just say… I’ve seen cleaner picnic tables after a raccoon family reunion.
Sticky surfaces, mystery crumbs, and a trash can that was trying its best but had clearly given up.
Even the napkin dispenser sighed when I used it. 😮💨🧻
⚰️ FINAL THOUGHT:
I didn’t eat here. I survived here.
C.R. Chicks stands for “Can’t Recommend. Chickened out halfway through.”
Only giving one star because zero wasn’t available and the chicken did technically exist.