Anthony W.
Yelp
A Masterclass in Time Travel... Backwards
So this was maybe the fourth time I've tried to tango with Dave's Hot Chicken in Oceanside, and let me tell you, each time I walk in, I feel like I'm entering a black hole where time slows to a dead crawl and logic no longer applies. Einstein himself couldn't figure out the wormhole of nonsense that is their "food's ready" notification system.
They've got this cute little app that's supposed to tell you when your food is ready. "READY FOR PICKUP!" it chirps with the blind confidence of a pathological liar. That message is pure fiction, like a bedtime story told to calm your rumbling stomach before it dies of starvation.
You roll up thinking you're minutes from a chicken-fueled climax--and instead, you end up watching your soul slowly disintegrate under the buzzing fluorescent lights while one overworked employee, who clearly missed the part in training called "basic coordination", packages up one order at a time like she's assembling a goddamn Fabergé egg.
God bless her, truly, but I've seen DMV lines move faster. I've watched paint dry with more urgency. I could've roasted a whole chicken from scratch in my backyard with a Bic lighter and still been eating before they even opened the bag drawer.
By the time your food is handed to you--30 minutes after the app told you it was "hot and ready"--you've aged. You've formed new opinions about life. You've made peace with your enemies. The fries? Cold. The sandwich? Decent, but tastes like the tears of regret and poor time management.
Still, somehow, like a toxic ex, I keep going back. Because damn it... that chicken is good. But if you're ordering from here, bring a book. A long one. Like War and Peace... unabridged.
2 stars. One for the chicken, one for the emotional growth I've experienced while waiting.