Catherine T.
Yelp
[stream of consciousness]
Okay, so I did the wine tasting in this one room. Now to search for a cute apron. Aprons... aprons... Ooooh, leaf cookie cutters! Oh, $23.95 for seven of them. Moving on...
So, aprons... What's in this room? A mojito muddler? Interesting. A cowboy Santa wine bottle stopper?? Not interesting. Moving on...
Where the frig are the frigging aprons, for God's sake?! I see everything BUT aprons! Wait, where am I? Hello? What room is this? I don't remember walking in here. How do I get out of here? Ah, here's the doorway. ........ Uhhh, this isn't the room from which I came. How did I get in here? WHERE ARE THE APRONS?!
*Sigh* Okay, let's try yet another room. RAAAAAAAAAAAAH! JIMMY HOFFA! Okay, okay... quickly run away...
Oooooh... free coffee and tea! Niiiiice! Yes, thank you, I would love a sample. Mmmmm... what flavor is this? And I can find this flavor where? Over there behind the trap door, what? Oh, in the closet area across from the pasta room and the colander room, gotcha.
I don't see that one flavor. It's gotta be here somewhere. Maybe under... HELLO! CREME BRULEE COFFEE! Yes, I will buy that. Not so badly priced at $2.25 for two pots' worth of coffee.
Okay, time to go. Fuck the aprons. Say what? A bacon cooker?? There's a whole separate thing on which to cook bacon? And people actually buy these?? Haven't they ever heard of a frying pan? Oy. Hey, a steamer. I sure could use one of those, but I can always head to Wal-Mart when I get home. What the... "Turkey lacer"?! What the frig is a turkey lacer? ....... "Garlic machine"?! ................ "Crumb catcher"?!?! ........................... "Pizza SCISSORS"?!?!?!
Okay, let's get out of here. [next room]...........................[next room]...............................[next room].............................[next room]............................ APRONS! ....... KITTY CAT APRON!
I WIN!
Now where the fuck is the exit?