Ben A.
Yelp
As a kid, I grew up in a house on an alley. The alley microcosm-- a place I learned to ride a bike, where I first stepped on glass playing barefoot basketball, where I got in my first fistfight, where I drank my first beer... The list goes on-- is a unique place that is inexorably linked to the man I've become. Arguably, this has no bearing on the quality of donuts at this establishment, but it is the alley moniker that caught my eye, prompting me to pull in one dark, chilly Marin morning.
The owner was mildly surly for such a well-lit fluorescent pastry paradise, but I didn't mind... Just ordered up my coffee, a chocolate old fashioned, an apple fritter, and some donut holes.
It is these four items that, in my considerable experience with donuts, serve as an holistic litmus test for every item in the case or on the counter.
The chocolate old fashioned was fresh and still a little warm in the middle-- bonus. Maybe a little heavy on the non-nutritive food varnish/wax in the chocolate glaze, but not distracting from the slightly crunchy outer/slightly chewy inner. A solid 4/5 on the Gigante Picante deal Monte Donut Metrics.
The coffee-- as previously stated, there are eleven cups of coffee that changed my life. This wasn't one of them. Maybe I'm spoiled on extra-elbow Starbucks espresso add-shots, but this needed a little more viscosity in the dark roast department. Counter creamer and an extra two-count of semi-solidified sugar shaker made it go down and get my plaque flowing. 2.5/5.
Apple fritter: Smallish, and a little doughy. Again, I'm spoiled by my little local Donut vixen who always picks my chubby self the biggest fritter from the case, gives me a little Vietnamese language lesson each time I stop by, and reminds me why the gods gave women the gift of a smile. Donut Alley's fritter was plenty sweet and awarding an extra love handle style point for the bigger hunks of cinammon-ey apple, but it only merited about a 3.5/5.
How do you screw up donut holes? Donut Alley doesn't seem to know-- theirs are light and fluffy, with a nice sticky, flaky coating of glaze. Bonus hole in the bag. Go home, 5 AM donut generosity guy, you're still drunk!
Overall, when I start seeing those baby redwoods on the far end of the Bridge, and remember that Tiburon means shark in Spanish, I don't think, "Oh snap! Subba' say I don' say I pray to J I gotta getta Dizzlohnut up in this truck!" ... 'Cause i don't talk like that. And there are sweeter reasons to head North.