Paul M.
Yelp
SPECIAL TOP SUPER-SECRET REPORT #100:
"CULTURALLY OBSESSED ALIENS ESTABLISH CENTER IN MODESTO"
by Paul P*. Noid
The vast humungous beautiful structure of this amazing Center is wondrous in itself, but it is the Alien's Cultural Attraction Tractor Field that is impressive. If you stray within one to two city blocks of this Center, it relentlessly sucks you in. Once they get you in, there is no escaping the Cultural influence of the smiling Aliens.
You are so bedazzled by the relative opulence of the structure, and the influence of the "Cultural Attraction Tractor Field", that you seem to temporarily leave lowly "Cow-Town" Modesto, CA behind, and become assimilated by the Alien's "Cultural Cognitive Construct". Once assimilated, you also leave the mundane behind, and then perceive a vast hall filled with benevolent smiling white haired beings. These smiling beings radiate wisdom, culture, and friendliness.
Once the spasms of culture shock subside, you are unavoidably drawn to, what is known as, the "Ticket Window". At the window, other smiling wise Aliens almost painlessly extract a big bunch of green paper from your wallet, with neither prompting, nor unsightly orifice probing. They then exchange your precious limp green paper, for smaller white stiffer paper, which will allow you to enter the inner sanctum when a certain sound is radiated later. It appears that there is a direct correlation between the volume of the stack of limp green paper and the prime ness of the number on the white stiff little paper.
While you are recovering from the sudden loss of weight in your wallet, you somehow gravitate toward another counter...where more of the ever-smiling Culturally Obsessed Aliens lighten your wallet further, and ply you with intoxicating beverages. These beverages are filled with precious Yeast Crap. Apparently, trillions upon trillions of yeast organisms live and die in their own waste products, to produce this strange coveted intoxicant. You somehow get the idea that there is a correlation between the Art of Haloed Yeast Crap creation and the very existence of the Alien Art Artifact.
Shortly, a solemn tone reverberates, and the outer hall, filled with Culturally Obsessed White Haired Beings, starts to empty, as they slowly ambulate toward, and go into the inner sanctum. You quickly imbibe the remains of your dead yeast crap and follow the Obsessed Ones in.
As you enter the inner sanctum, you almost lose all links with Modestoid reality, for you have entered the "Cultural Complexity Central Core". Once in the Center's core, the intense Cultural-Magnetic-Ion Field almost obliterates your ego.
Gigantic energy transducers radiate EM sinusoidal multi-frequency energy toward and around you. Your neurons are immersed in an undulating immense sensual sea, filled with Tsunami-sized waves of tones, lights, sounds, and sensations that evoke intense euphoria, bliss, and disassociation. You lose all tracks of time and space while in the Center while in Artistic Awe...
When you eventually regain your senses hours later, you find yourself near your almost forgotten vehicle, a few blocks away from the towering structure.
Then the wind blows through your hair, and the painful awareness of your boring & mundane pathetic minor existence rushes back to the forefront of your feeble earthling mind.
You get into your ancient fuming fossil fuel contraption and somehow drive home to your now less than worthless "underwater" domicile, which has transformed from an "investment" future into an infinite, money sucking, all consuming black hole of despair & past regrets.
Early, the next day, you open your now empty wallet, and silently thank the Aliens, for the brief diversion from your bleak existence, the night before, as you toil in the Salt-mines of your dreaded job, to attempt to temporarily refill your now depleted wallet, and to "re-float" your domicile.
SPECIAL TOP SUPER-SECRET REPORT #100
CONCLUSION:
THE CENTER IS AWESOME!
BE ASSIMILATED AT WILL!
(P*= Para)