Lance L.
Yelp
I've been out of the dating scene for way too long.
So many things have changed...
The rules, the selection, the way of choosing.
And boy, has it's gotten way more expensive!
I'm not sure if the rules have gotten simpler
or just more complicated.
Everything is swipe left.
Or is it swipe right??
Do you wanna Smash?
Or Pass?
Wait what??
Ewwww. Cringe!
This is starting to sound Sus.
But I finally decided, if I'm gonna get back out there I need to take that first leap of faith...
Because It's now or never.
My problem...
I have been loyal for way too long, but it's time to see what I've been missing...
So, here goes nothin'
It was a beautiful Friday afternoon in Malibu. (No we didn't go to Nobu!!)
And all of a sudden, there he was! Right in the parking lot looking Oh. So. Hot.
His name you ask?
He said he liked to go by Irv, so I went with it.
Was it Love at first sight?
No, not really, but he did smell good.
And eventually, I knew he was just what I was looking for.
So, I went with what a wise Rapper once said...
"Y.O.L.O" (You Only Live Once)
I went straight up to Irv and when I was presented with do you wanna Smash or Pass...
You know I Smashed!!
The next day...
I didn't call. I just didn't have the heart.
But I did think lot about him.... A lot!
Out of sheer regret...
I decided I had to tell my wife about my little hook up with Irv in Malibu and she was beyond PISSED!!!
And quite frankly, a little bit disappointed in me.
Here's what she said...
"You went to Irv's? In Malibu??"
"Without me!!?"
"And on top of that,
instead of Pass, you Smashed!"
And to throw just a little more salt my way...
She gave me crap because I mentioned that I liked the way Irv Shakes, his Milk Shakes that is ;)
Yes, when given the opportunity to Swipe Right
Or to
Swipe Left
I 100% swiped RIGHT!
And you know my only option from there was to
SMASH!!!
And let me tell you, even though some would describe it as a bit cheesy; there's no doubt that it was hot, it was juicy, and without a doubt some of the softness buns I've ever seen this side of Surfrider Beach.
Irv...
I'm not gonna lie...
Your buns were PERFECT!
For now, my dating days are over because I finally found a MATCH!
To Irv, my love for you...my love for your Smash Burger, your double-fried Fries and the way that your Milk Shakes....
Trust...
This is not gonna be a one-night (hamburger) stand!
Every time I think about you...
About us...
I smile!
And the best part is, no more hiding!
My wife knows about us now.
Her only stipulation going forward...
Is that the next time we see each other, that I bring her along and get her a burger & fries too.
P.s. between us...
She's the 3rd wheel, not you! :)
Jokes aside...
If you find yourself in mid-Malibu and want a Damn Good Smash burger and fries for a great price, come to Irv's at CrossCreek shopping center (in the Whole Foods lot)
You will not regret it.
---No wives were hurt in the writing of this review---