Colin T.
Yelp
Before I launch into my recent experience with Jimmy Johns, I would like to assert my stance of impartialness with this establishment. For the 8 months I have been in this country, I have consistently averaged 3-4 orders a week. Jimmy Johns Durham NC and I have developed a low-key yet extensive relationship that is entrenched in the many #11 country club orders I've placed.
Last Friday, I placed a delivery order at around 10:30am. Pretty random time yeah? Who else orders JJ at 10am on a Friday? Any sensible human being would assume a swift delivery. But no. It was over an hour until the driver came, what on earth were they doing?! The health of our relationship has remained peaceful for all that time has known, but i'm not going to lie, this constant provocative slack and lateness that JJ has recently shown has been causing increasing distress to me and the duke community.
Moving on, shortly after when the driver arrived, he called me, I picked up and he coldheartedly said "i'm here", to which i respond with extreme politeness: "Ah, that's jolly good news, I shall be at your location momentarily.", to which he hangs up. Wow, ok, could've said bye. A minute later, he calls me back and impatiently asks "where are you?!". Taken aback by his aggressiveness, I told him i'll be "one sec bro". I get to the front door, he looks at me as if he was Vin fucking Diesel starring in a fast and furious set, sitting in a pimped out Mustang right behind the starting line of some drag race. I walk down the stairs and as I approached him, he DRIVES AWAY.
Ok, firstly, being late was bad. Society has no place for people who 'stands around', and these JJ drivers are sitting ducks in this dangerous era of widespread apathy and laziness who will be quickly eliminated by natural evolution. Following this event, I will sue Jimmy Johns because their advert is literally commercial fraud. Jimmy Johns claims that their 'freaky fast order' will save American customers over 8 million hours. Well, not only did they not save any of my time, they wasted my morning and subjected me to hunger and devastation. But MOST IMPORTANTLY, he thinks 3 minutes of waiting (after rocking up half an hour late) justifies his destruction of today's social structure that upholds the trust and integrity in Durham's food delivery industry. What kind of self conceited, selfish person is he to think he is entitled to 'teach me a lesson' by driving away with my bloody sandwich?!
Incredible.