Jonathan S.
Yelp
I am an adult. I have bills. I have rent, and I spend more time reviewing businesses online than I should. I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like you. I occasionally wonder about that person who can leap into their pants with both legs at once, but my point here is that we are a lot alike. So trust me when I say that this experience is a real option at Kells Kreme, and you should just let it happen.
So you are at the beach, enjoying the sun, sand, and surf. As you stroll down the edge of the Atlantic ocean you see a sign for an soft serve stand, and think that a cold treat sounds nice. As you approach your bill paying, business reviewing, adult self is confronted with your finger licking, soft serve loving, child self in internal dialogue form.
"Wait, why are we doing this? We have food at home."
"But it's right there! I wanted ice cream!"
"A large is nearly $5! You can get two quarts at the supermarket for that much."
"I WANT IT! I WANT IT! IWANTITIWANTITIWANTIT!"
"OK fine, whatever it takes to get some quiet around here. You better enjoy it, and you better not make a mess."
The teenagers at the counter try not to judge your talking to your self as you approach. In true soft serve fashion, you can get chocolate, vanilla, or a blend of the two. If you get vanilla, you can also FLAVOR BURST it with colorful options like cotton candy, strawberry, and others. It all sounds so tempting, but the FLAVOR BURST is more like food coloring, and FLAVOR EMPTY PROMISES, but their toppings are great. The gummy bears will not stick, so I got mine in a separate cup, and was off to the races.
The bill paying adult takes a break as soon as the debit card returns to your wallet, and the inner child takes control as soon as that cone hits your hand. Predictably he never remembers to get napkins, so of course it makes a huge mess as you (both?) sit on the nearby retaining wall, and enjoy your treat. You are in too deep though, so your hands are a sticky, chocoatey mess when you finish, and the adult takes over again. The kid is not completely gone, so feel no shame in calmly walking to the ocean, and rinsing your hands in the waves before carrying on with those pants, bills, and online reviews that never seem to go away.