Jason V.
Yelp
There are a lot of bagel places in Portland. This is one of them.
My wife and I crossed town to check out Kenny & Zuke's based on a menu posted online, which was sadly a little different than the one currently in operation, and the entrée most interesting to me being, of course, no longer available. C'est la vie, I guess.
Instead, my wife ordered the Nova Lox and a chai, and for myself, the Deviled Egg Salad on a bagel, and a glass of lemonade. We grabbed a patio table and waited, but not for long...all four items arrived lightning quick, although in honestly, it wasn't particularly busy at all. Disappointingly though, neither of us were particularly wowed by either of the sandwiches; the Deviled egg salad was surprisingly sin-less (re: bland), and my wife, no stranger to lox bagels, didn't feel the need to finish the second half of hers, nor take it home - highly unusual for her! She also remarked that the chai was more milk than anything else, to the point of near dilution.
The above analysis sounds a little harsh, so let me be clear: yes, they were tasty enough, but each of them seemed to lack something that made them stand out above the pack. Great? No. Good? Eh...sure. Bad? Certainly not. Somewhere in the Goldilocks zone, straddling the line between competence and mediocrity. Perhaps it is just our personal taste; your mileage may vary.
The patio is cute, although several of the tables hadn't been wiped down thoroughly, despite it being relatively early in the morning. The interior décor and layout of the restaurant itself is somewhat Spartan and uninspiring as well, furthering the overall aura of "meh" that pervaded throughout our visit.
Kenny, Zuke...you're not far off the mark, but...something is missing. Some sort of spark, essence, a touch of personality. Your establishment isn't advocating loud enough on your behalf. It could. It should. I hope the inspiration finds you and urges you to embrace something a little more radical, rebellious, maybe even antagonistic. Don't settle for the status quo: pursue the status excelsior!