Carl F.
Yelp
I came to Kingfish on a rather peculiar first date that had many of the trappings of that now famous Aziz Ansari first date.
I didn't go back to GUY's place... despite his suggesting it several times and my saying no, then him saying he knew just the place to take me and proceeding to try to walk me into a residential area that was the way to his place. Then when I was like, wait- where the fuck do you think we're going are you seriously still trying to take me to your place? He gets in my face, grabs my shoulders (in a non-threatening way, it deserves to be noted) and starts making out with me.
At this point I can't even begin to imagine wtf is going through his head but in my head I give myself a few seconds to think, am I in danger? is he going to murder me? is he going to rape me? will it be a perfecta? where is the nearest street light I can run to? this is not my beautiful house. this is not my beautiful wife. how did I get here?
I make it as awkward as possible and begin to start talking into his mouth that is still making out with my face. I say, 'this is truly the least smooth thing in the world' and I pull away and he laughs a little in earnest and go back in and I'm one part astounded that he does not get what's happening here from my end and one part midwestern and feel like I should just politely make-out back to not hurt is feelings and endanger myself. How sad is that?
I pull away and say I'm not going back to his place and I'll call an uber right the fuck now... but GUY. I dunno. He's charming and I'm still like, don't make it weird, CANDICE. Even though he's the one making it weird bc that's unfortunately, how history has taught me, as a woman.
So I continue on the date with GUY (who I admittedly did go on quite a few more dates with- i know, i know) (and actually did begin to really actually like... a lot- i know, i know) (and for the record GUY is not a monster- not even close) and we walk a ways up the main street in the light where there are people and go to Kingfish, for which I've never been.
It's kinda late in the evening and it's suuuper happening- not in a trendy way but in a busyAF dive way. Most of the people seem like college co-eds and I'm like greeeat I'm the oldest fucking person here but then GUY points out a few chaperone types and I'm like, ok fair.
We grab two beers at the bar and even though it's fucking packed and the bartenders kind of appear like people who will cater to the youths, they were actually extremely congenial and even when I paid at the end (tho GUY did come back to give me 4 singles towards his $5 beer that I will note bc he ends up dumping me... TWICE somehow, even though we were never actually dating- i know, i know. I'm a dummy but I'm a sucker for the weird and the witty).
So GUY has me hold his beer bc he says he has a trick to show me. I stand alone like a dildo for a while when he comes back with a basket of the popcorn they have for free. Which is great for him bc he's hungry but he can't eat it and hold his beer so I'm kind of just stuck. I suggest we grab a seat if he's gonna keep on with the popcorn - which did look good and smelled good and was free so its a very good deal, i suppose.
The good news is, besides the free popcorn and actually very rad staff, there's TONS of seating and standing tables. For as busy as it was, we still had a lot of options.
We got to sit and talk and I gathered an unholy number of red flags from GUY that I of course found a way to ignore in the next following days, weeks, months (ugh- i know, i know). Which was weird bc walking into Kingfish I was thinking we'd have to try and talk about sports or god forbid some rando would try to befriend me but the atmosphere was actually pretty perfect for getting down to the nitty gritty and kind of learning all I probably needed to know about a person... so I could completely ignore it and still somehow choose to believe they were better than they actually presented themselves.
Anyway... Kingfish is kind of the opposite of GUY. From the outside it looks kind of dilapidated and maybe a place with questionable moral standards but on the inside it's actually pretty cheery, inviting, and open. A dive bar with a heart of gold and I can't really ask for anything more.