Bradley N.
Yelp
Yelpsop's Fables: the well-behaved bears
One day in summertime, when berries were ripening in forests, apples were emerging in orchards, fish were swimming in cold mountain steams, and grapes were growing in the vineyards, two little bears arrived in downtown Calistoga. They were excited to be in Napa, having journeyed from the northern Rockies, and they were thirsty! And hungry. Bears are always hungry!
"Let's eat someone," suggested one bear. "I could eat a tourist or two, at least."
"That would not be nice," said the other. "We are better behaved than that. Let's go wine tasting instead."
"OK," said the first bear. "But the wines had better be huge!"
Fortunately, the bears were just passing by Huge Bear Wines, in an old and beautifully restored bank building on Lincoln Avenue that had once been, of all things, a shoe store (bears don't even wear shoes, you know). What are the chances??
"Oh, let's stop here," said the second bear. "I bet these wines will be fit for bears like us." And so they entered inside.
It was very beautiful inside, with a huge bear of course but also many wines. The bears went to the counter.
"We would like to try your wines, please," they said. "We can pay for them with huckleberries, mushrooms, or salmon. Would that be fine? We don't carry cash or credit cards because, as you can see, we don't have pockets. Or pants, for that matter!"
"Little bears like you get to taste for free," said the woman. "We rarely see bears in Calistoga these days. The old timers in these parts used to say 'better bears in the tasting room than the tasting room in the bears!'" With a disarmingly gentle laugh, she graciously took two glasses from behind the counter and gave the bears their first pours of wine.
So the two little bears drank Chardonnay and rosé of Merlot and Cabernet and Pinot and Petit Verdot and they were so happy!
"These are huge wines, you know," said the first bear. "They fill my tummy. They coat my tongue. They linger and are so luscious. They will pair well with cedar plank grilled Copper River sockeye salmon. And pasture-raised pork glazed with Wüstner Brothers raw knapweed honey and Headframe Spirits bourbon whiskey, along with morel mushrooms sauteed in uncured, biodynamic bacon from Lifeline Farms."
The other little bear thought this over.
"Yes, yes those all sound very good. But these wines are SO huge and SO varied, I'd serve them with other meals as well."
"Such as ...?" inquired his traveling companion.
"You know; Northern Rockies haute cuisine, inspired by our beloved Western Montana home, foods that would not be out of place at the Resort at Paws Up. Things like Bitterroot Valley bison steaks with a huckleberry compote and late harvest Zinfandel port reduction sauce. Or Willow Spring Ranch organic lamb kofta grilled Santa Maria BBQ style over live oak embers and lingering flame, with rosemary, tarragon, and fresh thyme served with a green garlic yogurt dipping sauce. And smoked anything, like duck or chicken, topped with Flathead Lake cherries and crème fraîche. Or pheasant breast sauteed in butter from Kalispell Creamery with foraged wild herbs and matsutake mushroom sauce. Or Cornish game hens soaked in Meyer lemon, Whyte Laydie gin, fresh buttermilk, and crushed juniper berries. Or Wyoming antelope prosciutto. Or Idaho elk jerky cured with a blend of buckwheat honey, Sudden Wisdom rye whiskey, and alderwood smoked salt. Off the top of my head, at any rate."
"Agreed," said the other bear. "Those all sound delicious. Huge Bear wines are ideal for hungry bears like us."
As they sipped their 2013 Knights Bridge Vineyard Cabernet, swirling it slowly in their glasses to savor its intoxicating aromas, the two little bears suddenly broke into simultaneous smiles, ones that lasted all the way home.
Moral: Be well behaved when visiting tasting rooms. People are nicer that way. And the wines taste better too. Every little bear knows that!
